Need advice on two issues with my two children
I need help, please! Two problems, two children:
1). My daughter will be 9 November 25th and she thinks she is grown and makes all the decisions. Just in the past few months she has become unbearable. She has a smart mouth. She doesn't listen to anything me and my husband says. I have tried everything. Nothing works. I don't know if it is just a phase she is going through or worse. She is ADHD and takes meds and they have been working well. I'm not sure if this is related to that or not. Any ideas what to do? If this continues I'm doomed for the teenage years!
2). My son is 16 months old and is spoiled to the core. I stay home with him and he is a mama baby. He has never slept a night in his bed. From day one he has been with us. It was the only way we could get any sleep. Now we have waited too long and it seems impossible to get him in his bed. Not only that but he is a night owl! Nothing works to get him to sleep. He is up half the night before finally giving it up. This has become very tiring. I put him down for naps in his bed and he does ok for an hour or two. (he goes to sleep by me rocking him first). But he wakes up all during the night, almost as if he is making sure I'm there. I put my arm around him and he goes back to sleep. I need help. I have got to get my son in his bed! Thanks in advance for advice!
1). My daughter will be 9 November 25th and she thinks she is grown and makes all the decisions. Just in the past few months she has become unbearable. She has a smart mouth. She doesn't listen to anything me and my husband says. I have tried everything. Nothing works. I don't know if it is just a phase she is going through or worse. She is ADHD and takes meds and they have been working well. I'm not sure if this is related to that or not. Any ideas what to do? If this continues I'm doomed for the teenage years!
2). My son is 16 months old and is spoiled to the core. I stay home with him and he is a mama baby. He has never slept a night in his bed. From day one he has been with us. It was the only way we could get any sleep. Now we have waited too long and it seems impossible to get him in his bed. Not only that but he is a night owl! Nothing works to get him to sleep. He is up half the night before finally giving it up. This has become very tiring. I put him down for naps in his bed and he does ok for an hour or two. (he goes to sleep by me rocking him first). But he wakes up all during the night, almost as if he is making sure I'm there. I put my arm around him and he goes back to sleep. I need help. I have got to get my son in his bed! Thanks in advance for advice!
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Debby on -
Oh dear these things are totally normal and you're not too late on either one of them.
With your daughter, I really think that it's her ADHD talking. Eventually the medication wears off and then her impulse control goes out the window. My 7 year old is the same way. Once his medication has worn off the back talk begins. The first key to getting this under control is to stay calm. The second key is talking to her about it in a quiet environment. "It's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hurt others, things or yourself with your words. From now on when you talk like that to me or, anyone else, you will have to face punishment." Then to emphasize that " you have a choice, apologize for saying..... and do what I told you to do or you will lose...." I'd start by taking away her favorite thing, Tv, ipod, game boy, whatever, collect one more thing every time she spouts off until you've stripped her of all her privileges then she loses her freedom to a very stripped room. The next day she can earn them back one by one for being nice hour by hour.
The next thing you must do is spend 5 minutes a day with here where you only Praise, Reflect(do all the good things she does, repeat all the good things she says) Imitate (only the acceptable behaviors), Describe (all the good things you see her do~ I like it when you color in the lines... write neatly....say nice things like Love you mom) Enthusiasm ( be nice and calm and loving during this time) NO instructions at all during this time. She is in charge "This is our special time, if you leave I cannot be with you, if you get mean special time is over." Then find something crafty or special she likes to do during those 5 minutes. At the end of special time you say "part of special time is following instructions and your instruction is to put away these things right now, please." If she fights you then give her a choice between this or losing a privilege. When she complies say, "Thank you for minding me." Then you start doing all those things during the day with both kids and your husband and yourself and your visitors. Pretty soon you're guiding with kindness not "don't do this, don't do that" Infact, we don't say DON'T around here. "are you supposed to jump on the furniture?...........no you are not, you have a choice sit on the furniture nicely or you can sit in the floor for the rest of the day"
The biggest key to all of this is watching what you say all day long. Use your manners when you talk to your kids. Try to avoid shouting instructions or angry remarks. I've had to adopt these thought processes to deal with my "mouthy kid"
Don't take anything personally
Be Truthfull
Don't make assumptions
Do the best you can
and when I talk back
Is it the truth?
Is it necessary?
Is it nice?
We really do teach her kids what to say to us and how to say it.
As for the co-sleeping I've done this with all my boys and it lasted for years too. It's tiresome when you're ready to break the habit. We did the "back to bed technique" from Supernanny to get my middle boy to stay in bed. For they younger one, turning the lights out so that he was too afraid to get out of his bed alone stopped him. But we had plenty of nights when we would have to take him back to his bed.
The technique:
The first time they come to you, you say it's bed time and take them back. The next time you just take them back, and say nothing, from then on it's just taking them back to bed. No words no exasperated sighs, or grunts of disapproval. It's hard but your practicing your praising during the day then the won't be looking for negative attention at night.
A few things you might try to keep him in his bed is a pillow that smells like you, or one of your worn night garments, creating a bed time routine, creating a special bed environment.
For our youngest we gave him special a special set of pillows from our bed, and a relaxing environment. Then we stopped leaving the light in the hall on for him so he wouldn't be scared of the dark. Finally I could sleep in my bed without him grinding his teeth.
But we also have a firm routine, Bath, books, bed. most of the time he's asleep half way through books in the rocking chair. My husband used to leave him in the chair until we went to bed but I finally stopped that and he goes straight to bed with him. This is a great way for "the men" to bond and gives you some free time to do chores or special time.
Keep trying, you'll find something that works. Hang in there.
Debby
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Permalink Reply by MonkeysMaMa on -
wow --Great advice Debby!
Debby said:Oh dear these things are totally normal and you're not too late on either one of them.
With your daughter, I really think that it's her ADHD talking. Eventually the medication wears off and then her impulse control goes out the window. My 7 year old is the same way. Once his medication has worn off the back talk begins. The first key to getting this under control is to stay calm. The second key is talking to her about it in a quiet environment. "It's okay to be angry, but it's not okay to hurt others, things or yourself with your words. From now on when you talk like that to me or, anyone else, you will have to face punishment." Then to emphasize that " you have a choice, apologize for saying..... and do what I told you to do or you will lose...." I'd start by taking away her favorite thing, Tv, ipod, game boy, whatever, collect one more thing every time she spouts off until you've stripped her of all her privileges then she loses her freedom to a very stripped room. The next day she can earn them back one by one for being nice hour by hour.
The next thing you must do is spend 5 minutes a day with here where you only Praise, Reflect(do all the good things she does, repeat all the good things she says) Imitate (only the acceptable behaviors), Describe (all the good things you see her do~ I like it when you color in the lines... write neatly....say nice things like Love you mom) Enthusiasm ( be nice and calm and loving during this time) NO instructions at all during this time. She is in charge "This is our special time, if you leave I cannot be with you, if you get mean special time is over." Then find something crafty or special she likes to do during those 5 minutes. At the end of special time you say "part of special time is following instructions and your instruction is to put away these things right now, please." If she fights you then give her a choice between this or losing a privilege. When she complies say, "Thank you for minding me." Then you start doing all those things during the day with both kids and your husband and yourself and your visitors. Pretty soon you're guiding with kindness not "don't do this, don't do that" Infact, we don't say DON'T around here. "are you supposed to jump on the furniture?...........no you are not, you have a choice sit on the furniture nicely or you can sit in the floor for the rest of the day"
The biggest key to all of this is watching what you say all day long. Use your manners when you talk to your kids. Try to avoid shouting instructions or angry remarks. I've had to adopt these thought processes to deal with my "mouthy kid"
Don't take anything personally
Be Truthfull
Don't make assumptions
Do the best you can
and when I talk back
Is it the truth?
Is it necessary?
Is it nice?
We really do teach her kids what to say to us and how to say it.
As for the co-sleeping I've done this with all my boys and it lasted for years too. It's tiresome when you're ready to break the habit. We did the "back to bed technique" from Supernanny to get my middle boy to stay in bed. For they younger one, turning the lights out so that he was too afraid to get out of his bed alone stopped him. But we had plenty of nights when we would have to take him back to his bed.
The technique:
The first time they come to you, you say it's bed time and take them back. The next time you just take them back, and say nothing, from then on it's just taking them back to bed. No words no exasperated sighs, or grunts of disapproval. It's hard but your practicing your praising during the day then the won't be looking for negative attention at night.
A few things you might try to keep him in his bed is a pillow that smells like you, or one of your worn night garments, creating a bed time routine, creating a special bed environment.
For our youngest we gave him special a special set of pillows from our bed, and a relaxing environment. Then we stopped leaving the light in the hall on for him so he wouldn't be scared of the dark. Finally I could sleep in my bed without him grinding his teeth.
But we also have a firm routine, Bath, books, bed. most of the time he's asleep half way through books in the rocking chair. My husband used to leave him in the chair until we went to bed but I finally stopped that and he goes straight to bed with him. This is a great way for "the men" to bond and gives you some free time to do chores or special time.
Keep trying, you'll find something that works. Hang in there.
Debby
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Permalink Reply by Superstressed Mom on -
I have a daughter (well.. step daughter) who is going through the same kind of thing. She too has a mouth and thinks she is a supermodel. Lol the child will change ten times a day if I let her.
I have found that grounding her to her room with no toys, books or notebooks and pencils works really well. Also, if you are not opposed to going old school and making her write lines- that works great. If she is in her room with a sheet of paper and has to write 100 times "I will think before I speak" by the time she is done she will most likely remember it :)
The baby.. If you keep him up all day and don't let him nap any that might help him get into bed on time. If he is too sleepy to lift his head by the time you put him in the bed then he might not care where he is sleeping. If he wakes up during the night you could go in and talk to him a minute and then leave. I know it would take about a week to do this but if you don't cave he will get used to it. I know that is hard to do but sometimes tough love is best.
Even if he cries some it won't kill him. You know what is best for him and all you have to do is put him in there.
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