ARE YOU "OVER IT"?

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Permalink Reply by sugar mama on February 24, 2009 at 1:07pm

my mother told me once that you choose to marry someone and then you choose to stay married to that person. every day. some days are harder than others of course, she warned. so you try and remember why you chose him in the first place. usually it works. if not, there's always alcohol. :) .

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Permalink Reply by K Diva on February 24, 2009 at 1:39pm

You can't control the birds flying over your head; but you can stop them from making a nest out of your hair. Don't sweat the small stuff. My husband is my best friend and sometimes friends don't get along when that happens we just take a moment to be "over it" then regroup. Making up is the fun part

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Permalink Reply by Karissa on February 24, 2009 at 3:05pm

Well, I've been "over it" more times than I can count - I even filed for divorce and moved myself and my two biological children to an apartment 3 years ago (that lasted all of 2 weeks, if that). We've been together just over 9 years, since I was 17, and most of my "growing up" has been done with him. I finally (in the last year or two) figured out that he was sticking by me because he loved me, regardless of any problems we had and how cruddy I was being to him - he was choosing to try to make it work. I love him, and I love my kids (two biological as well as 1 non-biological), and so I owe it to all five of us to stick by him as well. SO, he makes me mad, I just remind myself that he puts up with me as well, that anyone who claims to have the perfect relationship is lying, and that it's just a pothole on the road of marriage...once he is calm and I am calm, everything is fine - most of our arguments are not even disagreements, just one of us said something the wrong way or took something the wrong way. Of course, our girls aren't teenagers, yet - that's when the true fun will start!

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Permalink Reply by shelley baldwin on February 24, 2009 at 3:09pm

RESPECT. I have to say that is where is all has to start, and from there trying to find fun things, even just around the house to do together, my husband and i have found yard work to be a great weekend afternoon time to enjoy one another he works on his thing and i do mine is a great stress relife and when your done you get to see what the other has done. I know it sound dumb but we talk more when we work apart because you want there input so hence you have to talk things out. Praise is another way to keep it fresh, dont wait for him to start, as women its not always easy to initiate but sometime they like it. my hubby and I just went through one of those hum drum time.
I didnt even know until we had this big fight one afternoon. we talked and shared what was going on with one another about work, home and even our sexual wants and needs. Being married 8 years I didnt think we had issues but he felt different. So sometimes you just need to sit and talk with the one whom your in the relationship with and find out whats up with them, I know it sounds simple but some times its the best answer. To put it simply if you dont let things go or be "so over it" it can make you an unhappy person.

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Bahen on February 24, 2009 at 7:15pm

Oh Come ON! Most marriages are over before women know. I've always known (or felt) that something was brewing. Too much attention, criticism, wherever I went he showed. Quite the pain. Lets not forget the temptation these men have - AND they aren't usually women. Count your pleasings, love your life, family and job. Don't forget to hire a good attorney!

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Permalink Reply by Scheherazade Washington Parrish on February 24, 2009 at 7:51pm

yes...there is something in the air..."Depending on origin it can have notes of black currant, blackberry, plum or cherry fruit; chocolate, green pepper, and mint; plus oak and vanilla from the barrels"...yeah, bullsh*t. That's what's in the air.

Besides, I take my CabSauv in a glass, thank you.

and yes...I'm certain that all of the members of the Left Hand Band Man Group, Incorporated have been holding the Stupid Boy meetings, and taking excellent notes....( i know...stupid is a negative judgment, but it drives the point home)

...and while I'm not sure if you could live with my methods, or how wise this is:
after the arguing and attitudes, I find that if I talk to The Man, without blame (you take me for granted), and tell him exactly how I'm feeling, (I work hard to keep the house clean, and when you drop your bags at the door and leave them there, it makes me feel like my work goes unappreciated) he's more receptive to my issue, and doesn't feel as if I'm attacking him. I'd like to get to the point where I can just say exactly how I'm feeling, without the arguing and attitude...that's the work.

Great Discussion!

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Permalink Reply by Bec Thomas on February 24, 2009 at 9:33pm

Alot of people suffer from kick the dog syndrome. When the economy really is bad alot of marriages get really stressed do to financies and the spouses tend to take it out on each other in alot of cases. Patience of a saint and being able to ignore idiocy can be a big help in whethering the tough times. I learned that from my grandfather who has been married to my grandmother for 60+ years. I once asked how he could put up with her nattering and temper and he just look at me and said "it's like water off a ducks back". He learned long before I was born to tune it out and it works!

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Permalink Reply by Hailey's Mommy on February 25, 2009 at 12:46am

Hello Jenny,
Having been in a relationship with my husband for 11 years before we got married (going on 3 years this December), I know there are those times when you feel like "your over it". But even though we may get angry at each other and exchange words we don't mean, we work through it. The best words I can give you is to be strong, always take a breather from the situation by creating a little bit of space for yourself, and never lose site of your shared goals. Be there for one another. Embrace the adventure of parenthood and have fun. Sometimes when my husband and I have a bad argument and we've endured silence long enough, I'll casually sit next to him and hold his hand. And then I can't remember why we were arguing in the first place.

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on February 25, 2009 at 5:36am

My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary...and we got married after 8 years of dating and one child. ;-) I also work for my husband. Yes, there are times when I am soooooo over it all.

I think what works best for us is to have our time apart. About once a month he goes out with the guys and I get together with my girlfriends. We also try to get away once a year...just us...as a way to reconnect and rekindle the romance that gets lost sometimes.

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Permalink Reply by JenniferR on February 25, 2009 at 8:56pm

My husband and I have been married 14 years, and together as a couple for 18. We've had a few minor ups and downs, but I firmly believe that it takes two of the same type of person to make a marriage work. Neither of us care for drama, and we really don't fight. Sure we get annoyed with each other sometimes, but it's those things you let slide. For bigger problems, we talk. We completely RESPECT each other...no belittling, name calling, etc. We both agree that COMPROMISE is the biggest part, and the key to a great marriage is always having your spouses best interest at heart. Why would you want to hurt someone you love?

If we have a disagreement, we never raise voices. We simply head to another room for a bit, and when we meet up again, we hug, have a talk and it's better.

But it does take two people with the same values for this to work ideally.

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Permalink Reply by NYCity Mama on February 26, 2009 at 12:33pm

I came from a divorced family, and experienced divorce myself. This is what I have done to make these amazing years with my hubby better than our first:

I have learned to say "I'm Sorry" and mean it AND not expect to get my way because of it. Saying "I'm Sorry" even after an argument is really, really hard. I tend to say it, even if I am "right", but expressed it poorly (yelling, said something not so nice, etc.) and I say it almost immediately, when we are both still angry sometimes, because I want him to know that though I may be angry or may disagree, I love him and value him, and want him to know I regret anything I might've said or done that goes against that (it's the whole actions speak louder than words thing).

Know that the man you married is the man you married. Women tend to think we can change people, and people do change to a certain extend, but the core of who a person is doesn't. So, if he or she behaves a certain way that surprises us, it's not that "they changed", it's that we didn't know them well enough.

And like others have implied, nurture the relationship. It is easy to get caught up in the parenthood, workinghood, whatever else-hood of life and not nurture the relationship. When life gets super crazy and hectic, often times this is the best time to figure out a way to squeeze some time to reconnect, to remind yourselves why you chose to take on this path together...it then makes it easier to tackle all else life throws at you, together.

Pick your battles and learn to let things go. We tend to hold on to grudges, these grudges stew and become bigger things. Talk about it, try to figure out ways to make it better if needed, but don't be pissed about it cause you'll always be stuck in a bad place.

My husband and I talk a lot, kiss a lot, and date as often as we can. It makes us better lovers, better parents, and better friends. I praise the sweet, nice, thoughtful things he does and celebrate them because though I know I deserve to be treated well, he doesn't owe me that. No one owes me that. I earn it.

And lastly, take care of yourself and love yourself. When we love ourselves, and are good to ourselves, this makes others want to be around us and love us too. Not sure why, maybe it's the certain glow, or positive vibe that draws people. My husband calls it "sexy", I just call it being happy on my own merits.

Not an expert either...just someone who has been there, done that, and kinda found what works.

Good luck on a happy, wonderful experience!

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Permalink Reply by JenniferR on February 26, 2009 at 4:08pm

Beautifully said NYC Mama...you hit the nail on the head!

NYCity Mama said:

I came from a divorced family, and experienced divorce myself. This is what I have done to make these amazing years with my hubby better than our first:

I have learned to say "I'm Sorry" and mean it AND not expect to get my way because of it. Saying "I'm Sorry" even after an argument is really, really hard. I tend to say it, even if I am "right", but expressed it poorly (yelling, said something not so nice, etc.) and I say it almost immediately, when we are both still angry sometimes, because I want him to know that though I may be angry or may disagree, I love him and value him, and want him to know I regret anything I might've said or done that goes against that (it's the whole actions speak louder than words thing).

Know that the man you married is the man you married. Women tend to think we can change people, and people do change to a certain extend, but the core of who a person is doesn't. So, if he or she behaves a certain way that surprises us, it's not that "they changed", it's that we didn't know them well enough.

And like others have implied, nurture the relationship. It is easy to get caught up in the parenthood, workinghood, whatever else-hood of life and not nurture the relationship. When life gets super crazy and hectic, often times this is the best time to figure out a way to squeeze some time to reconnect, to remind yourselves why you chose to take on this path together...it then makes it easier to tackle all else life throws at you, together.

Pick your battles and learn to let things go. We tend to hold on to grudges, these grudges stew and become bigger things. Talk about it, try to figure out ways to make it better if needed, but don't be pissed about it cause you'll always be stuck in a bad place.

My husband and I talk a lot, kiss a lot, and date as often as we can. It makes us better lovers, better parents, and better friends. I praise the sweet, nice, thoughtful things he does and celebrate them because though I know I deserve to be treated well, he doesn't owe me that. No one owes me that. I earn it.

And lastly, take care of yourself and love yourself. When we love ourselves, and are good to ourselves, this makes others want to be around us and love us too. Not sure why, maybe it's the certain glow, or positive vibe that draws people. My husband calls it "sexy", I just call it being happy on my own merits.

Not an expert either...just someone who has been there, done that, and kinda found what works.

Good luck on a happy, wonderful experience!

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