I cant stop fantasizing about my mom

Alright, I know this is going to be completely appalling to most people and it will be a lot of info, but here I go;
I'll start at the beginning.
When I was 15 I had a sexual dream involving my mom. When I awoke I was totally ashamed and felt extremely guilty. As time went on, I found myself being drawn into more and more thoughts regarding this dream. Up to this point if you would have asked me about incest or thinking along these lines, I would have screamed codemnation and found it revolting. Something happened though that slowly started to change my opinion. I started becoming aroused by my mom, and I mean very aroused. The more I thought about it the more aroused I got, and the more aroused I got the more I thought about it. Of course, being a teenage boy it didnt take long for me to masturbate to this. It was the best orgasm I had ever had up to that point by far. As soon as I climaxed, the guilt returned, but my hormones would have me thinking about it again in no time. It went on like this for a while. It was arousal, guilt, arousal, guilt....eventually the guilt began to diminish little by little until I was about 16 and it got to the point that I had been fantasizing about her so much that there was no guilt at all. The arousal, however, did not diminish. In fact, it has done nothing but increase ever since. I am now 25 years old and completely obsessed with her. EVERYTIME I masturbate, the fantasy involves her. Even when I look at porn, I envision her looking at it with me because it turns me on that much more. I have had many normal relationships, all with girls my own age, and just recently got out of a 4 yr relationship, the last year being engaged. Heres the really sad part, even when I was having sex with my fiance, I would pretend it was my mom. I dont think there was more than a handful of times that I didnt substitute my fiance with my mom in my mind. I know how this seems absolutely horrible to someone who has never really thought about things like this. It has a huge shock factor. I was in shock for months and they were my own thoughts/feelings, so I cant imagine reading this on some random thread. I just ask that you try to see past that initial reaction and open your mind.
Now onto my current situation which has forced me to seek advice. Like I said, I just recently broke up with my fiance. I didnt contest any of the posessions and just walked away from the entire life we had built together. So right now I'm out on my ass so to speak. Well, I would be but I have moved back home with mom until I can find a place of my own. Living with my mom again is driving me to masturbate like 5 times a day. I am literally so sore down there its not even funny. To make matters worse, she usually walks around the house in nothing but a long tshirt and underwear after work. My sex drive is in full swing again and all progress I have made in the way of controlling my desires has been wiped clean. I have become convinced that these erotic urges will never cease to manifest themselves within me. I have done a lot of reading on freud, jung odeipus etc but people are supposed to outgrow those desires. It didnt happen with me. In fact, it is the opposite, the feelings have done nothing but get stronger since that first dream I had over 9 years ago. As far as what I find appealing about a sexual relationship with my mom, the answers are numerous. First, my mom is actually attractive. She had me when she was 18 so theres not a huge age difference and old age hasnt had the chance to rob her of her looks. Secondly, its taboo so theres something appealing about doing something that your not suppose to, just like with all fetishes. There is also a large amount of intimacy with it, expressing my love to her through pleasurable physical contact instead of words. But most of all I think it comes down to me wanting what I cannot and should not have. After 9 years of analyzing myself, I think these are the main contributing factors. It drives me crazy that I should not and cannot have her, experience her, express my love in the fullest to her. Like I said, so much time has passed that I experience no guilt whatsoever. I know what I want and have for a long time now. Heres where I need help. I truly believe that I will continue to be completely obsessed and fixated on my mom as long as I am denied her. I dont believe I will ever be able to move on with my life until I have satisfied (to a degree) my overwhelming and powerful urges. Every year that passes, the desire to have her increases. Again, I know what I want and to try and convince myself its anything other than a real, passionate, intimate longing would be a lie. Its not a phase, or projection of my subconsious, etc. So, as far as where I want it to go, my mind is made up. The problem is I am so afraid to approach her because I have no idea what her reaction will be. I need to know if my sense of reality is so warped from these urges that I am looking for something that couldnt possibly exist, or do these kind of thoughts occur within the minds of moms sometimes as well? How would any of you react if your son slowly made it appearent that he was interested in you sexually? I understand many of you will have instant revoltion and I believe that is normal given our social conditioning. But could any of you see the possiblity of getting past that inhibition, even in the slightest? Like even if my mom would just watch me masturbate, It would alleviate so much of the sexual pressure that has built up in me over the years. Could any of you get past the taboo and watch your son masturbate if it meant he would be able to move on with his life? I know alot of you will probably chalk this up to me being some sort of depraved psycho that needs couseling, but outside of this I really am pretty normal. I have alot of friends, popular with girls, good job etc. Please give me some insight!!! I have never confessed or talked about this with anyone before. Please help me by giving me an objective view of where I stand and what my chances are of making this fantasy come true, even if its only to a small degree.