I'm not speaking to my mother!!!

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Permalink Reply by The SpaHouse on March 29, 2009 at 5:31pm

Love her first and let her know you love her dearly --- however, let her know that you expect repspect from her as you will give her respect. When it comes to personal opinions that 's jutst it --- an opinion. Do not let it affect you and if you see that you cannot deal, tell her mom I love you but let's keep it moving. Do not dwell on the past --- look at what you have right now.

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Permalink Reply by K Diva on March 29, 2009 at 5:43pm

Good Points. I just feel like I'm getting to a point in my life where I can't deal with the extra. I am so much happier when I just leave it completely alone but she is my mom but we are both very strong minded.

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Permalink Reply by Bec Thomas on March 29, 2009 at 6:21pm

This sounds like a really unhealthy relationship on many levels and you shouldn't be the one that always goes back and the cycle starts over again. Looking into theropy for both of you might be an option to get someone to facilitate a more healthy relationship where respect can take place. Maybe your mother would accept seeing a church counciler

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Permalink Reply by K Diva on March 29, 2009 at 9:21pm

Bec you are right this is very unhealthy. She refuses thearpy and is to the point where she thinks me and my sisters are the ones that just need to pray and change and not her. She thrives on co-dependant relationships and I am and have been breaking the cycle for a few years now. I'm torn because her birthday is in April and I am no sure if that is an excuse to make nice and give in to her ways.

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Permalink Reply by Bec Thomas on March 30, 2009 at 3:27am

nope don't give into the guilt, it is not healthy for you to get wrapped up in it and the guilt your feeling is all apart of the cycle your trying to break.

K Diva said:

Bec you are right this is very unhealthy. She refuses thearpy and is to the point where she thinks me and my sisters are the ones that just need to pray and change and not her. She thrives on co-dependant relationships and I am and have been breaking the cycle for a few years now. I'm torn because her birthday is in April and I am no sure if that is an excuse to make nice and give in to her ways.

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Permalink Reply by Spirit on March 30, 2009 at 2:52pm

K, it must be in the water... or our moms are very close friends!!!! when my mom get's mad with us, her children, she will "go on vacation". She will send us a email explaining she is going on vacation and will not come off until we figure out why. Now her going on vacation is not speaking to us, no emails, no text. I have called my siblings to tell them to call mom, apologize for whatever she is upset about, so she can come off of the crazy VACATION!!! My feeling is this. Call your mom. Regardless of what she might think, as a "Believer", it's your responsibility to do the right thing. Girl this can go into a blog all by itself : )
But on a serious note, don't let this be something that comes between you and your mom. Sometimes things happen to test our "hearts"...and trust me, I understand when you say your mom is "religios" and you are "spiritual". It's amazing how my mom loves the Lord, but I can't talk to her about Him : )

In closing, go ahead, break the ice, and call your mom.

~Spirit

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Permalink Reply by K Diva on April 5, 2009 at 4:24pm

Spirit, you are right. I am going to call her. Someone once told me you don't have to believe what you think. This also means what other people think does not make it true. She may think I am giving into her ways, but me and the Lord will know the truth. Good food for thought and the spirit. Pun INTENDED!!!

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Permalink Reply by Bridget on April 5, 2009 at 5:03pm

Being raised in a household that early into my teen years turned my parents into preachers and my mom being the more strict one I understand how you feel. My mom and I had a huge disagreement last May over my oldest daughter's behavior well that of her boyfriends at her graduation that had me and my moms on the outs and I am very ver stubborn. I stopped her calling her and even though it bugged me not to hear her voice I felt like I had a point to make. So i sat down and typed out a letter to her and mailed it. Sharing my feeling about that issue and a whole lot more and it seemed to do that trick to mend our relationship. Talk to you mom let her know how you feel

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Permalink Reply by EmptyNester on April 5, 2009 at 5:44pm

Kem, I haven't spoken to my own mom in several months. She has a way of always pressing the wrong buttons....relentlessly. I refuse to be abused. I recognize her as my mother, but I will not participate in a relationship
that may pop an aneurysm. If she needs anything, I help as much as I can. But I will not subject myself to the constant judging and irritation that comprises being with her. I hear my sisters with her on the phone and I just can't do it anymore.
I'm too old for the stress. God forgive me.
I know the Word says "Do not despise your mother in her old age." But contact with her produces just that. So no contact keeps me saner and with fewer ill feelings toward her. It's not ideal, but it's all I know to do at this point.

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Permalink Reply by Kay Gee Geedea on April 9, 2009 at 3:58pm

Wow, I just signed up because I was typying in google about overbearing mothers, and this one came up. I'm very new here.. Im 25 & i have a 7 month old lil boy, My mom is RIDICULOUS!!! it will be 3 weeks since I've spoken to her, we are usually close And a lil to close, and I confined in her, and me and the father of my child a a hugeeeee falling out and now she throws that in my face, She thinks me seeing him.. ***hes in prison** twice in one month was crazy. Im a fool, to tell u all, he never cheated or anything, THIS IS what's been going on in my world, When I was growing up, my mom always made me & my sister feel the guilty cuz she grew up without her mom in her life, My mom's mom died when she was 5 and she had to fight growing up, basically raising herself. And for that, she made us feel somewhat guilty for her misfortune, and also, she did good things for us to because she never had good things happen or givin to her because her life was not so good growing up. Imma try to make this somewhat short. Will my mom is WAYYY overbearing, I will be 26 this august, And she thinks she can tell me what to do and how to say things and just basically live my life, I have my own apartment. and me and the father of my child had a BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP, he was the best I have ever had, he got a tattoo with my name across his chest, he was just a good man to me. everything he & I went through I made a huge mistake and I would confide in my mom & my sister, only for it to back fire, on me. long story short, she talking about calling DYFS on me and all sorts of ghetto bullshit, Taking her car back she gave me, all becus she wanted me to watch my lil brother & I choose to see the father of my child (who is in prison)* he will be out this Sept. *hopefully* and I told her like 2 weeks before I was seeing him, she said ok, she will have my older sister watch my little brother but my older sister had teeth issues and her mouth was hurting her, &my mom was like Oh i dont want her to watch him becuz her mouth is bad, plus I like u to watch him better, So i said ok, then she said oh never mind, dont worry about it I will get your sister to watch him, so i said ok, then I went to see my Baby father, so all was fine until I told her I saw him, she went crazy, OOohh I needed you the most & you go see that mutha f**ker... etc etc etc. I was like wow, you told me it was ok, she was like you should have said no mom imma come anyway, I was like why would i say that when u told me not to worry, you got it covered, basically.. she telling me " oh i told you to see him once, why you going to see him twice, like im a lil f**king kid, who the f*ck she think she is telling me to see my only kid father once. We have a baby together. Now my sister calling me leaving nasty message like oh you put him in front of me .etc etc etc. imma call DYFUS on you cuz you should not take your son to see a sexual offender, so they using that against me and him. Its gotten so out of hand, they called his mom, **who has nothing to do with nothing** and talking about her and her man. all sorts of ghetto shit, its so bad. What happen for them to say this, is becus the father of my child, never told me he had this on his record, I found out when I went to court for something else, and I found out that way, that is why we broke up, (that was when I was 3 mos pregnant, we stttarted to fight over it, I moved out moved in with my mom and during my pregnancy he was barely there, he hardly called me, but he did buy my maternity stuff, he was at the birth, he bought his son LOTSSSSS OF STUFF AT THE BABY SHOWER, AND he was there after I gave birth, bUT SINCE HE & i BROKE up during my pregnancy & i moved back in with my mom, she throws that in my face, saying "Oh where was he when you were hurting and pregnant and couldnt walk, I was there for you, he wasnt... blah blah blah.... But later on I found out, he did somthing when he was a minor in high school, he was 15 and the victim was a 10 yr old girl, I confinded in my mom & sister, and they were understanding at first, but once I went to see him for the second time, and I didnt watch my lil brother, (becus my mom said my older sis got it covered) I was considered a fool, a loser, a dummy, why am i putting this sexual predator in front of my own family, etc etc etc etc. ) WOW. talk about spiteful family. The issue also is that me & my mom are tooo close, and with that comes issues, now she feels like she can run my life, I never went 3 weeks without talking to my mother & today makes 3 days, becuz i feel like she is dead wrong, she thinks i dont love her, and my sister just jumped right on the bang wagon with my mom ludacris antics. My mom basically saying I should have insisted that I come instead of my older sister, but I havent seen my kid father in 5 mos and he didnt see his kid in 5 mos, our son is 7 mos old and I only saw him that 1 time, so I wanted to see him again. My mother is overbearing. Help me cooupel any advice is welcome, do you guys think im wrong for not insisting I watch my little brother instead of my sister due to the fact she had teeth issues and her mouth was swollen, Thanks sorry its so long.

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Permalink Reply by Kathleen W. on April 10, 2009 at 8:52am

My husband has a similar relationship with his mother, and it's difficult to watch and know what to do. She's a toxic person on some levels, but a great grandmother to her grandkids, and has always been kind to me. We hadn't spoken to her for two years (about 9 years ago) after she refused to come to our wedding and hence "poisoned" her entire family against going. Apparently she was mad about the invitation, that it didn't have her name on it, but we've never actually found out the real reason behind her actions.

Anyway, enough of me. I think you should do what your gut tells you to, and it seems like it's saying to break ties. With my MIL, we're still cordial with her and recognize her birthday and such, but it's not a close relationship. I'd send her a b-day card and leave it at that. You don't need that kind of stress in your life, and if she's willing to make some changes in order to have a relationship with you, so be it.

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Permalink Reply by Debby on April 10, 2009 at 9:48am

It's perfectly okay to tell her you need a break from her. I do this a lot, my mother likes to talk about her abusive past.

It would be perfectly okay to also tell her your discussions will be limited by these 3 guidelines

Is it the truth?
Is it necessary?
Is it NICE?

When you suspect she's over stepped one of these then you tell her you'll call her back another time when she is better about being nice.

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