In-laws

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Permalink Reply by Wendy on April 27, 2009 at 7:46am

Mer, I think jealously is normal; however, don't let it get to you. It's important that your husband have alone time with his mama. If you don't "let" him be with his mom, I think he will resent you. Balancing....I mean juggling family members is really tough, you are not alone. Now, if you feel you coming a distant 2nd to his mom, discuss it with him. You'd be surprised what he may say if he opens up about it and you can come to a compromise about time.

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Permalink Reply by Kate on April 27, 2009 at 8:32am

So is it that they are excluding you from activities? Do you not feel welcome to come along? If so, I would definitely try to talk to your hubby about it. Also, do you even want to be included? Maybe he thinks he is doing you a favor by not making you tag along. He is probably just trying to be a good son and a good hubby. It's hard to keep two women happy!

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Permalink Reply by Meredith on April 27, 2009 at 8:45am

Well, my mother-in-law and I got along great until I married her "only son". Since, we have been distant. She definately does not make an effort to talk to me, and I reciprocate. My husband is as sensitive as he can be, after all it is his mom. He understands where I am coming from. I think I feel this way because she really only wants him in her life and not me and my son. I guess I should feel blessed that my hubby treats his mom so well. I wouldn't have wanted a man that didn't have a relationship with his mother.

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Permalink Reply by Kate on April 27, 2009 at 11:02am

Well, that is good he treats his mother well. She does want you and your son in his life, because she does want her son to be happy (I'm assuming). And for him to be happy, he needs you and your son! Now, I do not know from experience, because I have only met my husband's mother once (the night before our wedding)! And she has never met my daughter. She lives across the country, but hey we have planes now! And she is Vietnamese so there is quite a language barrier. Even with my husband as he doesn't speak a lick of Vietnamese. Oh, I could go on and on. So, I take it as this: It is probably better that she doesn't come in and out of my daughter's life and my husband's as well. So, if she wants to make an effort, we are here. If not, we will settle for my mom who is awesome to my family! Better to be surrounded by those who make you feel wanted. Ok, so I guess I have MIL drama too!

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Permalink Reply by Spirit on April 27, 2009 at 2:35pm

I love it when my hubby spends time with his mom, considering they had a pretty bad relationship while he was growing up. She tends to be a very nasty negative person. So for him to spend the day with her, is good for him...as long as he does not ask me to join : )

~Spirit

btw, I think it's a very good thing that he spends time with her. It shows that he is able to care about a woman.

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Permalink Reply by Ms. Monica on April 27, 2009 at 8:03pm

I agree he does need time with his mom. But just maybe ask if you all can do something together once in a while if you feel like you are being excluded.

All my in-laws are out of state. THANK GOODNESS! And I hope it stays that way. We once lived in the same state and well it was interesting. It was like being an alien from another planet because you know all families are different. His family was always full of conflict. And I just wasn't raised with all that non-sense. They thought I was weird or crazy because I was talkative and happy all the time while they were mad at each other for some reason or another. When they did things for each other it was like playing deal or no deal. His mother manipulated and controlled everyone. And if she didn't get her way she would be mad at everyone. She felt her relationship with her children usurped any other relationship that her children or anyone else had. Even a husband or wife. When they moved it was peaceful. And my husband agreed. I try not to tell him that his family is dysfunctional but every now and then he comes to that conclusion all on his own. LOL. Even though they still keep up conflict they can only do it over the telephone now. And that is perfectly okay with me.

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Permalink Reply by Johnnia Tucker-Cantley on September 21, 2009 at 8:21pm

I am worried this will happen with myself. I am a divorced mother of three and I'm seriously involved with my boyfriend....we are talking marriage.... Well he is an only child and the relationship between him and his mother is very tight....sometimes i feel like i'm not wanted and I know it sounds crazy....what are some ways to avoid this?

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Permalink Reply by Healthy Mom on September 22, 2009 at 8:24pm

Family can be very difficult. But if you could win her over she could become your greatest allie. The jealousy is normal obviously she is feeling the same. Take her out to lunch, compliment her on how great her son turned out and ask her how she parented him. Even if you don't want to hear just listen with a smile and let her know you think she did a great job with her son. All moms love being told they are did a great job. When a man loves his mom and that mom becomes your allie that is one great gift.

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Permalink Reply by Joanna Chan on September 22, 2009 at 10:28pm

I think this is a good tip. I often don't know how to deal with my in-laws but I do want to have better relationship with them. I think relationship with in-laws is an art and it needs to be balanced well.
I think in general having good relationship with in-laws will be helpful in the overall marriage.
Joanna

Healthy Mom said:

Family can be very difficult. But if you could win her over she could become your greatest allie. The jealousy is normal obviously she is feeling the same. Take her out to lunch, compliment her on how great her son turned out and ask her how she parented him. Even if you don't want to hear just listen with a smile and let her know you think she did a great job with her son. All moms love being told they are did a great job. When a man loves his mom and that mom becomes your allie that is one great gift.

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Permalink Reply by Sue on September 23, 2009 at 2:15pm

I once thought about starting a website just to discuss the delicate issue of in-laws! They are a breed of their own - harder to understand than men!! And that is saying something!

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