Need advice on sex after 2 kids and 14 years of marriage

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Permalink Reply by Hurt_mom on November 11, 2008 at 7:32pm

The way I do it is be open and honest with him. Let him know look I am burnt out right now I need some time to rest and relax and if he understands then that is great. If he don't then he needs a good swift kick in the rear. I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago and I just can't get into sex. Have you tried watching porn I know that is probably not the right subject to talk about but most adults will watch one together or maybe some stimulation because after some stimulation that will get you going and then you don't want to stop. Try just about anything. I will tell you what you will both feel better after words and it will be like a new experience again.

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Permalink Reply by Sharlala on November 12, 2008 at 12:47pm

Well I'm 33 and have been with my hubby almost 16 years... we have 4 kids and we go through phases like this too. I agree with what Kerri said... I read a lot of romantic/erotic books.. Bertrice Small is one of my fav authors!! We also will *dirty text* each other during the day when he's at work and I'm up to my elbows in laundry and dirty toilets!! lol And the non-sex make out sessions are always a helper! I'll try to send him off to work with a real deep full kiss instead of just a peck... Also... weekend mornings are a great time to have sex!! The kids are now old enough to get up and get their own breakfast and then watch cartoons or whatever..... we sleep in and can have some great times then... but I think the foremost things is to make a conscience effort to do it. Its easy to say Oh, I'm too tired today... but if you make the conscience effort to do it and do it say, 3-4 times a week.. then the more you have the more you'll want it. =)

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Permalink Reply by Rhea Brown on February 16, 2009 at 9:37am

Hey there Hessie-Jones,

This is the million dollar question that I think is on every mom/woman's mind. It was the question I asked myself last week as I prepared to host The Cocktail Cafe Show. Please read my personal "MOM Confession" right here in my Group (http://community.momlogic.com/group/thecocktailcafe) on MomLogic.

I would love it if you joined and offered your advice/questions/comments. PLEASE READ, Lets Talk about Love Sex, and Relationships on my blog/site and leave me a comment there. I'd love to know what you think

Lets be friends and I'll see you at The Cocktail Cafe (http://www.thecocktailcafe.com) or here on the group section of MomLogic.

Cheers,

Rhea Brown

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Permalink Reply by Scheherazade Washington-Parrish on February 16, 2009 at 10:25pm

Here's an interesting story about a couple who committed to having sex every night for 101 days! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25073096/

I'm not saying go 101 days...but hey?

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Permalink Reply by Peggy on April 17, 2009 at 8:16am

i don't know wat to say but i am havin this same problem. my husand n i work all day n itz soo hard to bring intimacy i want it but itz ju not like before i tried everything to spice thigs up not even a kiss is not like before... i live wit my in-laws and i can only have sex in the bedroom thats sucks.. cuz before i used to have it all over in my rental apartment.. i guess thats one of the cause.. soo frenu r not alone..

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Permalink Reply by Del on April 18, 2009 at 11:17am

a whole lot of great advice on this here. thx. I too struggle sometimes with the "desire" He would have it anytime. He's now kinda calm down and waits more for me to initiate but sometimes I may feel like having sex in my head but the body just doesnt follow.. He has actually recently introduced the idea of date nights on his own, so I think I will take him up on that offer. It seems it may do more than increase the sex, hopefully it will also bring us closer in other areas too.

I did also want to caution on one other thing. Havent read all the comments yet, so excuse me if someone has already mentioned this. But if you are on birth control, look into the side affects of the type u choose. I chose Depo early on in our relationship and after 2 years of very low sex drive I opened up with my doctor and learned its actually one of the side affects for some ppl on Depo, lack of libido. All that time, the worst dry spells in our marriage, i thought there was something wrong with me and he thought it was him.. as soon as I got off that type things instantly got better..

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Permalink Reply by Trisha Carter on April 18, 2009 at 6:25pm

One suggestion: WILD YAM CREAM, as of a high dose as you can find. Stringa.com has it. or a health food store. Lack of progestrone really zaps you in that area.

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Permalink Reply by yougot10minutes on June 13, 2009 at 10:56am

Hi! My friends and I started a blog for this very reason! After we had kids our libido totally went on vacation. So we started blogging and sharing tips that worked for us. It's just for fun, we don't get paid or anything, but maybe you can find something that works for you. (I have a friend who said buying a treadmill worked for her).

yougot10minutes


Hope it helps! It's helped me!

-Kimberly*

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Permalink Reply by Maria on June 13, 2009 at 1:53pm

I hear ya. We have 2 kids too and sometimes finding the time for intimacy is hard. It usually happens before we go to bed. The kids go to bed at 8:00 but one doesn't sleep until 9:00. Somewhere between 9:00 and 1:00 a.m. we fit some time in. Sometimes it is quicker than others. My advice is to spend time together. He watches TV, I read, we sit on the couch, eventually we move closer, and the next thing you know....My only advice is be available. We also started a little clue for during the day. His idea. A red ribbon will sometimes appear on the refrigerator door and that lets the other one know that a connection will be made so to speak. Foot massages, Blackberry messages, Wii games, hanging on the deck at night with a candle and music all are things that connect us. We are married for 12 years, together for 17. We never go out (no one to watch the kids) and we still enjoy hanging out together.

Good luck, I know a lot of people in the same boat as you. A relationship (a sexual relationship), takes an effort. I am not saying to fake intimacy but my husband never has to ask me twice and if I am not in the mood, I eventually become in the mood when we get started.

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Permalink Reply by Megaman on September 17, 2009 at 5:58am

Shawna said:

Wow!!! Sounds like a lot of people have this problem!! I thought I was the only one out there!! I'm only in the mood about two or three days in my cycle!!! And that is it!! My hubby on the other hand wants "it" ALL the time!! I have two kids and a stay at home mom! All I want to do at night is go to bed and sleep!! My advice is maybe spice things up a bit. Not really sure what else to say as I'm in the same boat as you!!!

What a violation of your husband and your vows. I hope YOU are just as understanding when he gets it somewhere else.

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Permalink Reply by Megaman on September 17, 2009 at 6:03am

Maria said:

I hear ya. We have 2 kids too and sometimes finding the time for intimacy is hard. It usually happens before we go to bed. The kids go to bed at 8:00 but one doesn't sleep until 9:00. Somewhere between 9:00 and 1:00 a.m. we fit some time in. Sometimes it is quicker than others. My advice is to spend time together. He watches TV, I read, we sit on the couch, eventually we move closer, and the next thing you know....My only advice is be available. We also started a little clue for during the day. His idea. A red ribbon will sometimes appear on the refrigerator door and that lets the other one know that a connection will be made so to speak. Foot massages, Blackberry messages, Wii games, hanging on the deck at night with a candle and music all are things that connect us. We are married for 12 years, together for 17. We never go out (no one to watch the kids) and we still enjoy hanging out together.

Good luck, I know a lot of people in the same boat as you. A relationship (a sexual relationship), takes an effort. I am not saying to fake intimacy but my husband never has to ask me twice and if I am not in the mood, I eventually become in the mood when we get started.

Maria,

I appreciate your approach. I have become SO jaded and angry because my wife says no for 100s of days at a stretch. Not to mention that I've grown/matured to a point that I won't accept pity/bullshit sex, so that reduces an already very low frequency.

I'm encouraged to know that there are women like you who are committed to including a sexual aspect to their marriages. Perhaps there's hope for me yet! (Albeit probably not this year)

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Permalink Reply by ashley on October 4, 2009 at 9:37pm

Hi, I have a totaly oppsite problem. After 5 years of marriage...I (the girl) want to have sex everyday, but my husband has lost interest completely. I suspect that he is more inerested in porn than me. He loves me otherwise and I have to say this....that he is the "PERFECT HUSBAND". He loves me, takes care of me. Doesnt have the desire to hang out with his buddies..because he just feels lost without me (basically he is an introvert), We have a baby, and he helps me the maximum he can. I can go on and on...but life with him really ROCKS..but Sex has gone down so much..that I am really worried now. I just turned 30 and my hubby is in his early 30s. I really want to hear from others if they are going through anythign similar.

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