Venting about enabling parents!!!!!!!! Are you one? Help me understand!!!!

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sara Broers on February 26, 2009 at 3:25pm

My boys are guilty until proven innocent! I guess you could call that my Mantra! There are no perfect parents and there are no perfect kids. Raising kids is a learning experience and it does take discipline. Kids are our future and sometimes that scares me?! We all learn by our mistakes, as adults and kids.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bec Thomas on February 26, 2009 at 7:53pm

There are a ton of parent that are enables and I think it got started with a 2 fold problem. First many of todays parents were Latchkey kids, our parents were just to busy to bother to parent us and so we didn't learn to parent. We often didn't have to take responsibility for anything because no one was around to make us responsible. That trend carries on to our parenting; some people are a quit study and caught on to the gist that we weren't parented well and have tried to correct that problem with our children, some just didn't. The 2nd problem is the big self esteem push that really was more of an enabler and entitlement push starting in public schools and trickling throughout soceity.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bec Thomas on February 26, 2009 at 8:00pm

Bayleesmommy said:

see...no....Reasoning with your children at the age of 2, 3, 4, or months old. Here's where I draw the line and this bothers me...tremendously. This age is the age for boundries. /div>

Great post and completely true!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Peggy Gorman on February 26, 2009 at 8:39pm

What bothers me is you don't see kids outside playing,riding their bikes. It seems kids are in front of their xbox playing games. No chores,parents working late ,kids are latch key kids.It seems after 9-11 we have instilled a fear. Parents talking about sex offenders in their neighborhood,with adults doing bad things the kids have lost respect for their elders.
I also have seen parents talk openly about things kids should not be hearing. Let a kid be a kid.
Divorced parents fighting is something kids should not be aware of.
I always told my kids I am working to take care of the house and for food and I expected them to do chores. Sure we had problems but I always told them "You are responsible for your actions". We were poor but I always had a home cooked meal and the kids had clean clothes. We spent time together .I made sure they had a hug and told them "I love you",still do.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Mary on February 26, 2009 at 9:14pm

Parents are way too lax these days. I would say partially yes, the kids know how to manipulate the parents to the point the parent is hesitant to lay down corporal punishment. The other part is...it's easier to let the kids do their thing while the parents to theirs. Way too many parents are allowing their children to stay out all hours of the night where I'd say 1/2 to 3/4 of their influence comes from.

That's not really the way we roll though. If I see a kid or my daughter tells me of a kid who is disrespectful or I think is getting away with way more than I'd let my own child get away with...I tell my daughter my thoughts on the subject. "Wow, I cant believe (enter name here)'s mom is letting her stay out this late...I wonder if she knows her daughter has a huge reputation for drinking alcohol (or whatnot)." Then I give her my thoughts if that were her out there.

I have disciplined my children since they were able to comprehend yes and no. They got their hand tapped when they touched something they weren't supposed to. I was able to take my kids into "unchildproofed homes" with little to no problem.

Now...I reason with my 14 year old. My 7 year old still gets "love taps" that he is scared to death to get....mainly because he's only had about 4 or 5 in his life.

Once my daughter thought she would step up and tell me exactly how things were going to go and how I had no place to tell her what she was going to do. My immediate reaction was a flick of my wrist across her lips. She replies, "Mom! Why did you smack my mouth???? You didn't spank me you popped my mouth!" To which I replied..."it wasn't your a** that got you in trouble my love it was your mouth." She was about 10 at the time. I will tell you I did that once and haven't had to do it again. I still get attitude but not to the degree where she forgets who I am.

Respect is big in my family. Respecting your elders, no matter if they are your blood or not, is as necessary as breathing. My father was from the old school...born in 1904. You can believe I was taught by his standards. "Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, Yes Sir, No Sir".

I think not enough families are teaching respect in their households. I simply raise my eyebrow and my children know they'd better tone down. One or two swats is enough for a school-age child to understand how to alter their behavior. Once they've had one they don't usually come back for another. I'm saying all this with the understanding that it worked for my kids and I'm fully aware different strokes for different folks.

Another problem I see with parents is that when they are disciplining they are angry...at their wits end. You cant discipline like that. It causes things to be said that shouldn't...parents cant listen if they are too busy screaming and shouting.
I've learned that parenting has been a learning experience for my kids and I. I've learned as they've gotten older that I need to listen to them before I flip out on them. I listen to what they need to say, analyze where their judgment went wrong, correct them by explaining why that didn't work out for them and then lay down the punishment for the poor choice if need be.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rayna on February 27, 2009 at 7:33am

I too am so sick and tired of enabling parents. I work for a grant funded after school program for at-risk 3rd, 4th and 5th graders. I have one particular parent who is sure that her two sons do not do anything wrong...ever! They are actually two of the hardest kids that I have. They are liars and manipulators. Their mother will get in our faces if we have any problems with her boys.I have tried to explain that I am not trying to pick on her son(s) they are just not able to face any consequences because she will make it impossible. She will reward them while she is walking away from me. I think that she is trying to be a good mother by sticking up for her boys, but she is creating two monsters. I wish she could see that.

Parents... teachers are not picking on your children. They most likely did something wrong! And are asking for your support in teaching your kid to face the consequences for their bad choices.

I can't stand enabling parents!!!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by QuiteAParent™ on March 1, 2009 at 1:26am

Bec Thomas said:

Bayleesmommy said:

see...no....Reasoning with your children at the age of 2, 3, 4, or months old. Here's where I draw the line and this bothers me...tremendously. This age is the age for boundries. /div>

Great post and completely true!

Good you're already my friend no need to invite

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by greenmtmom on March 6, 2009 at 4:08pm

Well, I guess the way I see it is, before I can get so worked up about "acting out" I have to really think about the behaviors - are they really that bad? If my kid calls me a butthead, it it really him calling me a butthead that's bad or is it that he's getting at something bigger. I won't blame anyone else but I also won't let it all be about controlling the kiddos. I think they need to NOT say thank you and get slighted the next time. I think they need to not listen to me about getting dressed but end up in the car with no shoes on.

I DO agree that enabling parents are NOT healthy for a child's development! Letting the natural consequences of not saying thank you or losing your shoes happen is where we as parents often interfere. If parents run around "doing-for" it just gets ugly...

such a hard balance between over parenting, under-parenting and misguided parenting!

Check out Tom & Jerry's Guide to Misbehavior... :)

Bayleesmommy said:

Very nice, for me this is easier said then done but I do strive to be this way.....I'm taking about blaming everything and everyone else for YOUR child misbehaving......and letting THEM control YOU! What is up with that!?

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Shellie on March 16, 2009 at 12:47pm

i agree with the original post.My Grandfather played a huge role in my life.he was the father figure.and then children were to be seen and not here.I dont agree with that part but i do agree that kids these days have no respect.they dont say please and thank you.no thank you yes please..they talk about farts at the dinner table.and burp in a nice restaurant,and any restaurant for that matter.
As like my step son who is in the 3rd grade has has to be home schooled because he can not behave in a normal school. he yells at the teacher throws fits acts out in every way you have never seen.
All because his 'nana"says its ok to act out sometimes..now he has taken it over board.probably the most disrespectful child i have ever met..and i have no controll..and his father is at his wits end..while biological mom sits in prison laughing it all off.
ugh!

▶ Reply to This

▶ Reply to This

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last