when to call it quits?
ive been hearing alot about cheaters, couples fighting, dishonesty, and divorce. i just want to know what yo allthink about when its time to call it quits in a marriage or even serious relashionships...? when is it too much and at what age is it appropriate if children are involved?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Manuela Hammel on -
It's such a personal decision that I don't think there are any guidelines, per se. Mostly, once you can't put up with what's going on, then it's time to move on. I've called it quits 3 times - all with what I think are good reasons to step outside the box. As far as appropriate age for children to be when the split comes, there is never an appropriate age. Adults have been known to take it badly when their parents split. More important - what are they witnessing at home? Is the behavior of the parents appropriate for the children? If there is cursing, screaming, insulting and especially physical violence - or the threat of it - then it would be better for them to see mom and dad when mom and dad are not together. Home is where you are supposed to feel comfortable and secure - not scared out of your skull. Finances can be very hard to juggle, but a good support of friends is a plus. If it takes sharing a 3 bedroom home with a good friend and her child then so be it - even if mom's are sleeping on 2 foton's in the livingroom. Peace and quiet go a long way to being emotionally healthy. It shows children that when they are adults, they don't have to live in a relationship that has turned abusive. My 9 year old is relieved that we have left her stepfather, even though he was, for a while a good and decent father figure for her and someone that she could look up to. She doesn't understand the change in his behavior or attitude and pretty much, I don't understand it either.
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Permalink Reply by Sherry Conrad on
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When it is the only answer that makes sense for the individuals involved.
There are no guidelines, only feelings.
If you are miserable, you are not doing yourself or your kids any favors by staying.
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Permalink Reply by Vicki Hancock on -
I can relate to this. I have put up with alot, less cheating, but we have been together so long that I don't even know if it's worth leaving at this point. Adding kids to the mix does make it even harder. The kids have to come first. Mine adore their Dad which has made me put up with even more than I ever thought I would. It's hard to say what would make me leave at this point (almost 21 yrs later).
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Permalink Reply by Cristina on -
I have to agree with this. If you are miserable you should not stay even if you have children. This would make the children miserable as well.
Sherry Conrad said:When it is the only answer that makes sense for the individuals involved.
There are no guidelines, only feelings.
If you are miserable, you are not doing yourself or your kids any favors by staying.
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Permalink Reply by Rhonda Mason on
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I stayed with an abusive husband for 20 years. I raised my 6 kids and shielded them as much as I could, but they still were exposed to verbal abuse. When I finally said I was leaving my these grown kids showed up with boxes and 4 trucks!! They had me out of there in less than 3 hours! When I got to my new place the daughters in law were there hanging pictures and putting dishes in the cupboards! All they wanted to know was why I waited so long!
I think when you can't stand anymore and can't think of anymore reasons to stay...you just know when its right for you.
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Permalink Reply by SANDY on -
its time to call it quits if there is abuse- violence or mental abuse
cheating
and if there is no love- if you are just friends then its just tiem to part ways and get on with life
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Permalink Reply by SANDY on
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i think you might be better off and happier if you split at any age ofr kids rather that them see an unhappy different personality mom..some moms are alot better without dad
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Permalink Reply by Teressa on
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I so agree with you, when you get to that point that you feel you can't take it anymore its time..my son reacted the same way and said he was proud of me, I asked for what and he said for finally standing up for myself..I was with my soon to be ex for 27 years and actually after looking back, those years were not that great after all, I was the giver in my relationship and put up with alot and forgave alot but finally wised up and got out..was the scariest thing I have done but I would do it all over again..I feel so much better, physically and emotionally..mine was a verbal abuser.
Rhonda Mason said:I stayed with an abusive husband for 20 years. I raised my 6 kids and shielded them as much as I could, but they still were exposed to verbal abuse. When I finally said I was leaving my these grown kids showed up with boxes and 4 trucks!! They had me out of there in less than 3 hours! When I got to my new place the daughters in law were there hanging pictures and putting in the cupboards! All they wanted to know was why I waited so long! I think when you can't stand anymore and can't think of anymore reasons to stay...you just know when its right for you.
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Permalink Reply by Bayleesmommy on -
Everyone has different boundaries. For me it's a long drawn out affair, hitting me or hurting my children in anyway, and possibly any other vow violated that would be hurting or potentially damaging my two girls. I'm prepared to work any other issue out with my husband, but you never know....
My parents waited until I was in college and my sister was in high school to divorce. It still wasn't easy, but I couldn't imagine going through what I went through at such a young age...this was an issue of working out differences and NOT an issue where one parent was hurting the other or my sister and I. I'd say if someone is being physically hurt or a parent becomes an unhealthy role model in the childrens' lives, it's time to say good-bye ASAP!
So many factors...it's a tough question....a LOT of gray areas.
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