momlogic community

My husband is INCAPABLE of apologising. I don't know if its becos he sees it as an admission of failure, or he's too proud or mebbe sorry doesn't exist in his dictionary. He's kind, loving n generous but he's got this nasty streak when we argue - he can be a bully, he's cold and above all HE IS NEVER WRONG. I end up apologising 2 keep the peace. But inside i feel like i don't matter. Wot do i do?

Views: 3239

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Have you ever thought to sit him down, and talk to him, about how you feel about how he acts toward you when you to are arguing, when the day is all good, just tell him, may I talk to you for a minute, and then bring it up, to where you don't start arguing again, try to keep it very mellow, talk like adults, not kids, yelling at each other, and by him not saying sorry for the wrong that he is doing to you, is messing up the relationship as will, and by you saying it to make peace in the house, dose not clear up the air in there, because you are still mad and upset, and he is fine, thinking everything is all good.

Remember close mouth don't get feed, which thaat means, if you don't say something, it is always going to be like that.
Hi lucinda thanx 4 the reply. I'm planning on tackling him this weekend over a glass of wine when we r both relaxed. Will let u know how it goes
I can relate. My gosh can I relate! It frustrates me just thinking about it. One day last week he made a comment to my daughter, re:helping her with hw, that offended me by making me feel like he was trying to one up me somehow. I didnt bring it up at that second because I was upset so I decided to go to our bedroom, calm down and give thought to what exactly I was going to say to him, hoping this would help me avoid argument. When I brought it up the next morning, while the kids were out of the house, instead of apologizing he just said he doesnt see it that way and he cant empathize nor apologize for no wrong doing.. I tried to explain that while I understood it wasnt his intention, I did FEEL hurt and it wasnt the first time. And I was ready with another example(thankfully I gave thought to this) because I know him so well, he asked when has he done this b4. Still no apology... instead a guilt trip, he said "well I guess I should start walking on eggshells"
WTF? I was raised to say sorry when hurting a loved ones feelings. He on the other hand will only apologize when HE feels he did something wrong
Definately have the wine.

My Dad couldn't say he was sorry ever either. He knew he was wrong and he acted sorry, but he never said it. My Mom knew how he felt, but at times she would have felt better if he said it.

I think men feel they let us down when they have to say they are sorry. I think as women we feel our feelings are acknowledged when people say they are sorry for something hurtful. Maybe you could gently share that with your husband.
My husband is the same, he is a wonderful man who i adore, and i know he adores me, however when we fight he can too become very nasty... and cold... and looks at me with the coldest eyes.

Although the fight is generally started with somthing very trivial, i get hurt about what he has said in anger... and has real troubles saying sorry... i am now trying to not say sorry and see how long it takes him to finally summon the courage to say it. He tells me "there are no sorry's in love?!?!" or just becmoes really sarcastic and says "im a shit husband" Ohhhhhhh frustrating.

I will generally say sorry, and in the rare occasions that i don't he will say i love you and pretend liek the fight never even existed... so deep down my problem is never resolved as i feel very small.

Please let me know how ur talk went? Ur partner and mine sound soooooooo familiar.
My husband won't ever admit he's wrong or say sorry. When he does its because I've laid it all out for the guy and he's left with no defense. I know the reason HE is like this is because his dad can't admit he's wrong and unfortunately he has learned a lot of bad habits from him. Just sit him down because over the past 2 years I have talked to him about this and realized when he sees the whole picture and we're not fighting and the conversation is civil he comes around to realize when he's wrong. It'll take time but you'll get there, Best of Luck!
Have you spoken to him and expressed your thoughts and feelings on this? You cannot be the one to apologize for everything. While it definately takes two, you seem to be doing your part. Maybe you need to dig deep and find out why he has a problem apologizing. How did his parents handle adversity? Was his mother always the one to ultimately apologize to "keep the peace"? If he does have a bully mentality, then you have to understand that bullies only continue to bully as long as noone stands up to them. The moment that you take a stand, you just may see the bully beating a hasty retreat!
Thank goodness i am not alone. As another lady has said my husband is usually so lovely but has this really mean cold streak when we argue. This happens every few months and he will never say sorry or aknowledge he has done anything. I usually make the piece as he messes with my head that much that i start to think its me. We have one 6 month old who was long awaited since he was born he has sworn in front of him and two nights ago over nothing he spoke to me like he hated me glaring at me so coldly. Then the usual he walked out the house and went off for hours then he returns like nothing has happened. He reduces me to tears and never appologises. Well two nights ago i said if he loved me he would not be talking to me like this and i suggested he spent afew days at his mothers and thats where he is. He has made no attempt to say sorry or acknowledge he has done anything.

Any suggestions what to do now??? I have tried to stand my ground as i don't want him behaving like this in front of our son or to me. I know when he dosen't have these 'outbursts' he does love me but when they happen he really hates me. He also joined facebook and was lamely trying to flirt with someone i used to know but i found out. Never appologised again but closed account.

Whats going on and what can i do - shall i just leave him at his mums till he comes to his senses - i'm thinking he dosen't really love me
It can be frustrating when your husband doesn't apologize to you--but only if you're trying to make him. If you weren't trying to make him apologize it wouldn't be frustrating! What happens to you when you get caught up in this line of thinking? "My husband is incapable...he's got a nasty streak...he can be a bully." It probably makes you very upset, and that makes the problem worse. (I know because I do it, too.) What if you were to just look at your husband and say to yourself, "He probably has a very good reason for not apologizing to me. In his mind, he shouldn't be apologizing to me, for whatever reason." What would it be like to see him as he is? "He is not apologizing to me. Ok."

And as far as apologizing just to keep the peace, I do that too. And I realized it's not an honest apology. I'm not really apologizing to him. So the real truth is just the opposite of "He should be apologizing to me." In fact, I should be apologizing to him--for real, and not just to keep the peace. And I should apologize only when I really mean it, and not just to get something from him. And THAT's something I can do something about. :)
I do agreethe one im with always says he right but never wrong. So I do know how it feels. and it messed up theses men don't have a cllue on how we feel
I think your husband never heard the word sorry when he was a child. when your a child and your parents never say sorry to each other every tine they fight or just for any-reason that the child knows it was wrong, well it gives them the idea that if you say sorry you are a looser, And it makes them feel that they were at fault. So don,t feel bad just teach him little by little..... he will get the idea...
adriana maldonado said:
I think your husband never heard the word sorry when he was a child. when your a child and your parents never say sorry to each other every tine they fight or just for any-reason that the child knows it was wrong, well it gives them the idea that if you say sorry you are a looser, And it makes them feel that they were at fault. So don,t feel bad just teach him little by little..... he will get the idea...
I know that this is a really late post, and actually I'm not a mum either (I only signed up quickly to add this comment). I'd been searching the internet for things people had written about husbands who can't say sorry, and when I found this I felt I wanted to reply to the post by Adriana Maldonado.
I agree that Lalee's husband's reason for never saying sorry is due to how he was brought up as a child, but I do not think that it was because he never heard his parents say sorry. My dad is someone who never ever says sorry. In my whole life of almost 17 years, I have heard him say the word TWICE after I have become seriously upset thanks to him, and my mum has hissed in his ear to apologise which he did, very reluctantly and childishly, making it clear that he didn't mean it. Maybe I'm taking things too far but this deeply upsets me. I cannot think it's because he never heard his parents say sorry, because I've never heard my dad apologise once to my mum, yet I say sorry all the time, and more importantly I MEAN it.
I seriously do not believe that my dad has ever felt even the smallest bit sorry in his entire life.

Reply to Discussion

RSS

Latest Activity

Jacquitta McManus posted a status
"I’m naming this illustration I love my freckles. I love how her nose freckles came out. I hope you can see them. http://bit.ly/1kNZRNd"
Monday
Jacquitta McManus posted a status
"Cassidy: I Didn't Do It... http://bit.ly/1mNYVby"
Apr 4
Doris Anne Beaulieu posted a video

Fun Dolphin Birthday Cake

Have fun with it and give it a try. A Dolphin Birthday Cake is special for those of all ages and makes for a good conversation piece.Hope you enjoy it and sh...
Mar 28
Doris Anne Beaulieu posted a video

Public Opinion Of All Drivers Wanted

I need to see if I'm right or not so I want every driver who ever hit a mail box to please give me your opinion on this video.If you know of anyone who had a...
Mar 19
Jacquitta McManus posted a status
"My radio interview last night with host William Hayashi on Genesis Science Fiction Radio was a lot of fun... http://bit.ly/1gyxkDk"
Mar 15
Doris Anne Beaulieu posted a video

Woodpecker's Justice Story Of 1891

A horribly sad story,but one we can learn from so pass this video to all those you know with kids and bird loves.Interesting fact that needs to be shared.
Mar 14
Jamielee Kimball and BrEnDa are now friends
Mar 10
Jacquitta McManus commented on Momlogic's group Blogging Mamas
Mar 9

Badge

Loading…

© 2014   Created by Momlogic.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service