Why can't my husband say sorry?

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Permalink Reply by Lucinda on May 7, 2009 at 2:29am

Have you ever thought to sit him down, and talk to him, about how you feel about how he acts toward you when you to are arguing, when the day is all good, just tell him, may I talk to you for a minute, and then bring it up, to where you don't start arguing again, try to keep it very mellow, talk like adults, not kids, yelling at each other, and by him not saying sorry for the wrong that he is doing to you, is messing up the relationship as will, and by you saying it to make peace in the house, dose not clear up the air in there, because you are still mad and upset, and he is fine, thinking everything is all good.

Remember close mouth don't get feed, which thaat means, if you don't say something, it is always going to be like that.

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Permalink Reply by Lalee on May 7, 2009 at 5:19am

Hi lucinda thanx 4 the reply. I'm planning on tackling him this weekend over a glass of wine when we r both relaxed. Will let u know how it goes

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Permalink Reply by Del on May 7, 2009 at 3:56pm

I can relate. My gosh can I relate! It frustrates me just thinking about it. One day last week he made a comment to my daughter, re:helping her with hw, that offended me by making me feel like he was trying to one up me somehow. I didnt bring it up at that second because I was upset so I decided to go to our bedroom, calm down and give thought to what exactly I was going to say to him, hoping this would help me avoid argument. When I brought it up the next morning, while the kids were out of the house, instead of apologizing he just said he doesnt see it that way and he cant empathize nor apologize for no wrong doing.. I tried to explain that while I understood it wasnt his intention, I did FEEL hurt and it wasnt the first time. And I was ready with another example(thankfully I gave thought to this) because I know him so well, he asked when has he done this b4. Still no apology... instead a guilt trip, he said "well I guess I should start walking on eggshells"
WTF? I was raised to say sorry when hurting a loved ones feelings. He on the other hand will only apologize when HE feels he did something wrong

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Permalink Reply by Queen of the Click on May 7, 2009 at 6:54pm

Definately have the wine.

My Dad couldn't say he was sorry ever either. He knew he was wrong and he acted sorry, but he never said it. My Mom knew how he felt, but at times she would have felt better if he said it.

I think men feel they let us down when they have to say they are sorry. I think as women we feel our feelings are acknowledged when people say they are sorry for something hurtful. Maybe you could gently share that with your husband.

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Permalink Reply by Carly Camdon on May 20, 2009 at 6:56am

My husband is the same, he is a wonderful man who i adore, and i know he adores me, however when we fight he can too become very nasty... and cold... and looks at me with the coldest eyes.

Although the fight is generally started with somthing very trivial, i get hurt about what he has said in anger... and has real troubles saying sorry... i am now trying to not say sorry and see how long it takes him to finally summon the courage to say it. He tells me "there are no sorry's in love?!?!" or just becmoes really sarcastic and says "im a shit husband" Ohhhhhhh frustrating.

I will generally say sorry, and in the rare occasions that i don't he will say i love you and pretend liek the fight never even existed... so deep down my problem is never resolved as i feel very small.

Please let me know how ur talk went? Ur partner and mine sound soooooooo familiar.

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Permalink Reply by Kate ~Mom to 2 Princesses~ on May 20, 2009 at 8:29am

My husband won't ever admit he's wrong or say sorry. When he does its because I've laid it all out for the guy and he's left with no defense. I know the reason HE is like this is because his dad can't admit he's wrong and unfortunately he has learned a lot of bad habits from him. Just sit him down because over the past 2 years I have talked to him about this and realized when he sees the whole picture and we're not fighting and the conversation is civil he comes around to realize when he's wrong. It'll take time but you'll get there, Best of Luck!

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Permalink Reply by Julia Wallace on May 28, 2009 at 9:34am

Have you spoken to him and expressed your thoughts and feelings on this? You cannot be the one to apologize for everything. While it definately takes two, you seem to be doing your part. Maybe you need to dig deep and find out why he has a problem apologizing. How did his parents handle adversity? Was his mother always the one to ultimately apologize to "keep the peace"? If he does have a bully mentality, then you have to understand that bullies only continue to bully as long as noone stands up to them. The moment that you take a stand, you just may see the bully beating a hasty retreat!

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