Melt-downs: When tempter tantrums don't stop

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Permalink Reply by Sara Broers on November 9, 2009 at 10:02am

Leave.....it is the "safest" option. Meltdowns happen, it's just not any fun when they do. Return another time, when tempers have cooled.

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Permalink Reply by T. Suzanne Eller on November 9, 2009 at 10:17am

Stay calm. It's a teachable moment. They are asking the question: If I throw this tantrum, what will I get?

If it's rewarded, that's confirming the tantrum. "Hey, this works!" It's not an overt assumption. It's built over time. If I throw a fit, I get what I want.

Don't take the bait. Rather than engage, know in advance what you will do. If it's leave and give a reasonable consequence that rewards the tantrum negatively: Sorry, sweetheart. When you throw fits in WalMart, we leave. You lose a huge privilege, or you stay in your room without toys or books or anything fun for a certain amount of time. Do this every time.

Stay calm. Even if people are looking. I'll never forget my sister saying at a holiday event, "Oh son, I'm so sorry you are throwing this tantrum. That's not what you are supposed to do, and you know that." Her voice was sympathetic and calm. She removed him from the scene. She disciplined him in private. Later they came out. Her son was in tears, and we knew that the incident was handled. Then she never brought it up again. She later caught him in the act doing something good, and publicly said, "I'm so proud of you. You are acting so good." He beamed.

She didn't apologize for his behavior. She didn't engage. She simply saw it as a life lesson, took care of it, and moved on. He's a really great man today (he's 23).

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Permalink Reply by Angela HOOD on November 9, 2009 at 7:44pm

Not fun, but we have all been there. I have left the store and I have let her cry it out while I paid for my necessary items, just depends on how badly you need what you're buying!

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Permalink Reply by Peggy Gorman on November 10, 2009 at 9:57am

What I did was give them a choice and stick to it. If I was in the kitchen I told the kids you can have OJ or milk,what would you like . It gave them some power and they knew they could make the choice. In a store I would give them coupons and let them pick out of the choices. It saved many battles and they felt they were choosing . It also kept them busy.
If you give in when they have a tantrum then they know that is all they have to do. If they are having a tantrum , let them have it! Tell them "when I say no I mean no" The tantrums will stop. All kids have tantrums ,it how we handle them makes all the difference.

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Everman on November 10, 2009 at 12:00pm

My 11 year old will throw a fit over not getting her way, being made do something she doesn't want to do, and countless other reasons. When she is throwing a fit over something not going her way I will ask her if throwing a fit will find, fix, etc, whatever it is. If it's over being made do something she doesn't want to do I make her go to her room till she can act like a reasonable child (of course I don't allow her to take "all day" to calm down) and then make her do whatever it was I asked her to do. If we are still having issues she goes back to her room once she has finished the job till she can behave and then we discuss the issue.

My girls were never too bad when out and about, but if we are out somewhere and they throw a fit they know there will be consequences when we get home. I don't give in and get whatever they want, my MIL will (even in front of me after I said no), but I won't.

I sat in an eye doctors office for three hours once, even with an appointment. By the second hour my then two year old was getting very tired and bored, at that age who wouldn't!? By the end of the third hour it was getting worse. We were getting dirty looks from everywhere. I finally had enough and asked what they expected for a two year old that has been waiting for three hours for her sisters appointment? I got these "OH, from her size we thought she was at least 3 or 4". Needless to say we found another eye dr. LOL

Tantrums happen, even to adults at times. LOL I guess we just have deal with them as best we can based on the situation and location. We also have to be at least somewhat understanding when other kids are having a tantrum. Of course this can be hard when you see the parent either doing nothing or doing something that causes the child to feed off the actions and throw a worse tantrum.

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Permalink Reply by Angela HOOD on November 10, 2009 at 12:04pm

We have a one item rule - my 2 yo gets to carry one item around the store with her and then we return it to it's rightful spot before we check it out. She knows that the item is for her to play with only while we are in the store.

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Permalink Reply by EDWINA BAKER on November 10, 2009 at 4:32pm

Iwhen i would take my boys shopping they hada little money to buy something new, but that whould be when I had the extra money to do something like that. but most of the times i did not have them when i would go out shopping.

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Permalink Reply by T. Suzanne Eller on November 11, 2009 at 2:56pm

Prize here? Hmm. Nada.

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