Christian Momlogic

Carla's Corner: Kids from Military Families Trust God

Recently I became aware of the struggles military families face. A friend shared that her eleven-year-old daughter was trying to reconcile that her daddy had to carry guns and probably had killed people in self defense. In addition, the father has served two times in Iraq and miraculously survived a very close suicide bombing.

My husband and I discussed the best ways to handle such situations spiritually. I wondered what advice to give a mom on how to help her kids if dad is deployed. As always, striving to be “The Spiritual Mom,” I want to think beyond the practical and look first to the Lord for wisdom. Timothy helped me push past my own motherly emotions and think through the heart of such situations.

First of all, it’s a great opportunity to teach the child to trust in the Lord. Most kids will not have to face such suffering and questioning in their lives. Since God determines the exact times he wants us in this world, then he knows what that child needs to grow strong in Him. The following passage is one of my all time favorites.

(Acts 17:26-27) From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

With this in mind, parents should never minimize the possible danger. They certainly should not overdramatize or emotionalize it either. It’s human nature to do one or the other. We either worry too much or we ignore reality. Some children tend to escape from acknowledging the situation through play, television, or computer games. This little girl did that at first, but now she wants to know what God thinks about bombs and guns. This is opening up discussion to point her to trust in God and to cast all her burdens on him (1 Peter 5:7). It’s provides the perfect opportunity to encourage her to seek God. He’s right there, as stated above, not far from the child, ready to help her.

It’s tempting to want to protect our children and not allow them to suffer. However, it’s through suffering that we become co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). Such situations are part of life and we can help our children face it by learning to rely on God ourselves and passing that peace onto them.

Join us next Wednesday as we look at some practical ideas for dealing with deployment.

Breathe by Nicole Bromley

This is one interview that I won't soon forget! Nicole Braddock Bromley shared her story of sexual abuse at the hands of her stepfather. The abuse went on for years. Her mother, friends, and other family members had no idea of the dirty secret Nicole kept hidden. She was a leading student at school on the honor role, cheerleader, popular, beautiful, with an out going personality. Everything you'd imagine from a well rounded, "most likely to succeed" type. She paraded around with a convincing facade. Until one day...

"The worst moments of my childhood occurred in the dark. In the woods. In the attic. In my bed. My stepfather did things to me that no child should ever experience. While he did them, I would hold my breath." ~BREATHE

Childhood sexual abuse is suffocating thousands of victims across our nation. With one in three women and one in six men experiencing some form of sexual abuse or assault, our world is full of survivors -- survivors longing to be healed.

Breathe can help. Written by fellow survivor Nicole Braddock Bromley, Breathe guides abuse survivors - and those who love them - from muffled existence to exuberant life. By showing readers how to create a "circle of inspiration," Breathe describes how people who promote healing can help break a cycle of brokenness. Using characters from Scripture to illustrate the experiences of survivors, each chapter contains stories and letters from real-life survivors, their friends, and their families.

In a practical and approachable way, Breathe discusses relationship topics ranging from mentoring and friendships to intimacy and marriage. And to he;p those who walk alongside a survivor, Breathe highlights common coping mechanisms as well as signs that signal something may be amiss.

Sexual abuse takes your breath away. Let Breathe help you get it back.

About the author: Nicole Braddock Bromley is the founder and director of OneVOICE Enterprises, an organization that is bringing healing change into the lives of victims of sexual abuse. She is the author of Hush: Moving from Silence to Healing After Childhood Sexual Abuse and a national spokesperson on the issue of sexual abuse. Nicole lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Matthew, and son Jude.

For more information visit www.OneVOICEenterprises.com.

Carla's Corner: Gather Around the Table: The Importance of the Family Dinner Part 2

Tomorrow, hundreds of families will gather together to share a big meal, watch a football game, and fall asleep on the couch. The Thanksgiving meal is a great time to catch up with family and friends. But why not do that more often? In last Wednesday’s blog post I discussed the benefits of having frequent family dinners. Also check out my article Home for Dinner.

Try these suggestions for making your dinner times enjoyable:

• Have your kids to help you plan and prepare the meals. It might take a little more time and effort with the little ones, but they will learn about cooking and nutrition while building a stronger relationship with you.

• Allow your children to set the table, ask them to decorate it. We bought a book on napkin folding and the kids had fun discovering new shapes to make. Start tomorrow by having them make special Thanksgiving themed placemats or name plates for family members.

• Designate one night a week as “mom’s night off” and let the kids prepare the meal.

• Choose a specific culture and try ethnic foods. We had a book of foods from the Bible and once a month we had "biblical" meals, like shepherds pie and manna cookies.

• Use this chance to ask your children about their homework, teachers, or classes. This is a great time to discover if they need your help and a chance to help them brainstorm and plan an upcoming assignment.

• Plan upcoming family events and vacations during dinner.

• Make sure that the more quiet ones have a chance to share. Don’t allow your more outgoing and chattier kids over talk their siblings.

Make Lasting Memories

Enjoy these times. Soon your children will soon have their own dinner tables.The memories of our evening meals are precious and lasting. Several years ago, after he flew the nest, my son wrote a song expressing his feelings about our dinner table discussions. Joshua recorded it on his first CD (he now has three) Roadside Photographs.

This is Where
Joshua Williams

Here at the table, with the family I love
We say a prayer and thank God for the food
And for Him to be with those who have none
We thank Him for His wisdom and truth

Then we read a verse from the Word to remind us who we are
And that the fellowship we have is sweeter than any food that could satisfy our hearts

Chorus
This is where peace and love lives, this is where my heart is consumed
This is where holiness began in me and where some day I hope to lead you

As we eat together and discuss the day
It isn’t long before the truth is revealed
And the hidden meanings behind the words I say
Are in the light so we can all be healed

How I thank God for those times, when I could speak my mind so free
And know the rebuke that came sometimes was love after love poured out for me
Repeat Chorus
copyright Joshua Williams 2001


Make every day Thanksgiving! May the Lord bless your day with friends and family!

Suzie Says: When You Fear the Holiday Blues {{GIVEAWAY}}

Jeannine* dreads the upcoming holidays. Her mother-in-law will politely backhand her with remarks that make her feel "less than". Her husband feels caught in the middle. The remarks aren't overt, so if Jeannine calls her out on them she looks like the bad guy, the one who is ruining the holiday.
Cynthia*'s mom is an alcoholic. Her mother promised that she won't drink, but she's made those same promises, and then broke them a thousand times. Should she expose her children to another drunken outburst, or inappropriate conversation as her mother blames Cynthia's father for everything that has gone wrong?

Cherie* feels torn. Again. Her parents are angry, and there's no way to win. "Mom, can we visit you on Thursday, and leave Friday morning so we can spend time with my husband's family? It's not fair to them that we always come here." Even if her mother does agree, she'll sulk in silence through Thanksgiving, and wipe away a tear in honor of "how things used to be".

Does this, or a similar version, sound familiar?

Holidays are special, and memories are being made -- for you, your family, your children. So, if a pattern of unhealthy events or actions are part of them, it has to be addressed.

How?

One of the hardest steps to take as an adult -- whether 21 or 55 -- is to set boundaries to work toward a healthier relationship with a parent or in-law. And yet that's exactly what we are talking about in these cases.

What is the real issue? Not how you feel, or what you want to happen, but what is the heart of the conflict?

In Jeannine's case, it's a lack of respect. It's modeled in front of her children -- who feel conflicted because they love mom, and they love grandma.

In Cynthia's case, she grew up in chaos. She's a good mom and the last thing she wants is to continue the cycle for her children. She's promised to give her children something greater.

In Cherie's case, her parents are using manipulation to get their way. Their motivation might seem pure -- we love our daughter and we want to spend time with her -- but the methods are less than healthy.



What is your plan of action? What are the reasonable consequences to unhealthy behavior?

Throwing a fit is out of the picture. As is engaging in any type of verbal or physical or emotional warfare. Decide in advance what to do. Keep in mind why you are doing it. It's not to punish that person, but to BREAK A PATTERN.

If Jeannine's MIL says something snide, her son needs to address it privately, giving his mother a gentle warning that it's not to be tolerated. But she'll get angry? Sure she will. It's breaking the pattern, something that has worked for a long time. It may take more than once, or ten times, before she realizes she's hit a unified brick wall that says, "we love you, but this isn't acceptable". It's not done in anger. It's consistent. It's reasonable.

And when she "gets it", it's rewarded with hugs and affirmation.

Remember, boundaries are designed to work toward a healthful relationship.

In Cynthia's case, she tells mom that if she drinks, unfortunately she and the kids leave. Cynthia has a back-up plan for a fun holiday, whether going to a cool restaurant or cooking with the kids at home and doing fun activities together.

Will mom be happy? No, Cynthia will be breaking the pattern. It's unfamiliar to mom. After all, Cynthia has always stayed, even if the mom drank or got completely drunk.

And Cherie? She's going to work to create a schedule that first benefits her family (kids and hubby) so they can create fun memories at home, and then balance the schedules as best as she can.

Will everybody be happy?

Do you see the pattern? Not everyone can be happy, but rather than a lose-lose situation, you are working toward a compromise that benefits you and your family, and works to find a holiday that is more restful, fun, and balanced.

When?

One of the problems is that the issues aren't dealt with before the holidays. Jeannine or Cynthia or Cherie might stay away during the year, feeling that if they can just endure the day or weekend, then that's enough.

It has to be dealt with long before the holidays. It's not too late to do it this weekend for Thanksgiving. But itt's better to do it now for Christmas.

I'd love to talk about this more. Questions? Comments?

I'd love to give away one copy of my book, The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future. In it, I share how:

* To forgive, let go, and move forward when you've been hurt in the past
* Enhance your relationships by setting tangible boundaries to work toward healthier interaction
* Gain fun and healthy parenting skills and methods even if no one ever showed you how
* Create longlasting memories for your children, even if your childhood memories were not what you hoped
* Grow as a woman, a parent, and discover who you were meant to be from the beginning

Just Jill: Top Tips On Finding a Telecommuting Opportunity Today

My first step into the work-at-home world was as a data extractor for a company in my local area. Believe it or not, I found that job in the Classified Ads section of the newspaper. That, however, was ten years ago. Alot has changed in the last ten years - the internet alone has grown by leaps and bounds. So, what are some of the best ways for people in today's market to find a telecommuting opportunity?

Classified Ads
One good thing about the technology available to us today is that most Classified Ads are now not only listed in print newspapers, but online as well. Take a look through these to see if there are businesses in your area looking for local at-home workers.

Online Job Sites
Most online job websites now offer telecommuting listings. Use the search term "telecommute" to help give you the best results. There are even websites that cater to the work-at-home crowd such as HireMyMom.com. Remember - always be sure to read the fine print, and research each company/opportunity that interests you.

Freelance
More and more at-home workers are freelancing on a contract basis. Writers, web designers, graphic artists, and more are finding this a viable option to allow them to work from home. There are websites, such as elance.com, that cater specifically to the freelance community and make it easy for freelancers to connect with companies and individuals looking to hire them.

Start A Business
Another trend among telecommuters is heading out on their own. Taking the data entry and executive assistant skills that they've gained over the years, these at-home workers are now launching their own Virtual Assistant (VA) services, copy-writing services and other such businesses.

There are an amazing amount of resources for telecommuters today. These positions are in high demand, so be sure to polish your resume and tailor it to fit the type of work that you're searching for. Be persistent - it may take a while to locate the right opportunity, but it will be well worth the wait.

About the Author
JILL HART is the founder of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com and co-author of So You Want To Be a Work-at-Home Mom. Jill has published many articles and is a contributing author in Laundry Tales, The Business Mom Guide Book, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and Faith Deployed. She holds a bachelor s degree in human development and family studies. Learn more about working from home at http://www.cwahm.com/work-at-home/ .