Would You Give Your Baby Back if He Was Swapped at Birth?

Two mothers in Russia have been forced to swap their two-year-old sons after DNA tests revealed the children had been mixed up as newborns by a careless nurse. Could you give up the boy you'd raised for two years?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by momlogic's Radical Mommy on April 1, 2009 at 5:04pm

WOW! That is such a tough question. First I would see if there was any way I could have both :) But in the end I think that the kids are so young that they most likely wouldn't remember being with another family for two years so I would want my own child back and I would want to try and stay in contact with the other family. Such a tough question.

Permalink Reply by JGS on April 1, 2009 at 5:10pm

the children should be given back to the biological parents--otherwise it could be the root of some serious issues in the future. Not only are you lying and keeping secrets within the family, but you have to worry about a whole other family keeping the secret as well. There are health issues to worry about and future siblings to worry about too!

Permalink Reply by MamaBates on April 1, 2009 at 5:11pm

My gut reaction is that I would keep the kid I had for two years. That's who I bonded with, that's my child--all things considered.

Permalink Reply by Super Nanny on April 2, 2009 at 6:15pm

Whether or not those children remember being with a another family or not in the future would'nt be my concern. The child whom you have raised knows you as mommy, trusts you to be there for them I would never hand them over to a complete stranger. I would definatly stay in touch with the family that has my bio kid.

Permalink Reply by lisa lunsford on April 2, 2009 at 6:24pm

No, I would want to keep the child I had raised, and have visitation with my biological child. Children would remember the feelings of being switched. Those who say they can't remember are crazy. The child would be terrified, feel abandoned and many other feelings are horrible AND he doesn't have the ability to vocalize his feelings and this would make it worse. There would be large trust issues,,,,he would never trust anyone again,,,,,,I think the hospital should compensate the families and everyone should be able to continue to see everyone. This is an impossible problem with no good solution

Permalink Reply by Jackie on April 2, 2009 at 6:24pm

After sitting here and thinking what if one of my children was switched at birth what would I do. Well I would have to say I would want to meet the other child but in the end I would keep the one I went home from the hospital with. I would want to keep in touch with the other family. I just think it is so unfar to the child. That child had bonded with the mom and father and other kids in the family not only that I would have bonded.

Permalink Reply by Jen on April 2, 2009 at 6:57pm

I have a ten month old son and have had this very hypothetical question since he was three months old. In fact, my answer is the same as it was then.....He is here to stay. I couldn't bear to give him up. Of course, I would go through a ton of emotions regarding my bio child and want the absolute best and keep in touch but the thought of giving my son to anyone is unimaginable. At this point, blood doesn't matter.

I am a L&D nurse and we are very careful in how we identify our babies. We footprint baby in the delivery room, have bands on mom, dad and baby (on both ankles) in the delivery room and have a two nurse check of the bands before they go to the nursery and mom goes to postpartum. Not to say that things can't happen and I am not one to judge because this is truly a sad story.

Permalink Reply by Jinx M. Nolan on April 2, 2009 at 7:10pm

Absolutely not. It would have a tremendous indelible effect on the child and on the parent but particularly on the child when attachment is still primary..

Permalink Reply by Mindy Carney on April 2, 2009 at 7:22pm

JGS said:

the children should be given back to the biological parents--otherwise it could be the root of some serious issues in the future. Not only are you lying and keeping secrets within the family, but you have to worry about a whole other family keeping the secret as well. There are health issues to worry about and future siblings to worry about too!

But why would it have to be a secret? I'm not saying you are wrong - it if were kept secret, yes, serious problems would lie just under the surface, always at risk of upending the lives of both families, and especially the boys. But it doesn't have to be done that way - I can no more imagine giving up either of my children after loving them for two years, than I can imagine never having them in the first place. How would it be different, really, than open adoption? Again, I tend to agree that the boys will ultimately be best off growing up with the families into which they were originally born, but only if the transition is done gently. I hope they have help dealing the change.

As an adoptive mom, I understand full well loving someone I didn't carry to term beyond measure, and cannot fathom how I could have given either of my daughters up - after two days, let alone two years. But I can't imagine knowing my birthchild was out there being raised by someone else when I had not intended that to happen, so that obviously adds a whole other dimension to the dilemma.

Permalink Reply by capt. steven w bales jrUSMC RET on April 2, 2009 at 7:29pm

from a dads point of view, I would have a very hard time giving up the child I have raised from birth, because you dont have to be the biological dad to be the daddy, on the other hand the other child being my birth son I would want very much to have him as well, the parents would have to work something out. that is just the opinion of a father, and who has raised childern that were not my biological children but I love them just as much as my own and would never treat them any different.

Permalink Reply by Tess on April 2, 2009 at 7:50pm

Wow! This situation makes my heart ache! I have a two yr. old boy and to even think about someone taking him from me is an indescribable feeling.. Rage and complete meltdown comes to mind. In this situation I think the mom who wants to swap boys is selfish in a way, but I can understand wanting your biological child. (I guess I would want both too:).. How could you give up a child you have raised for over two yrs. Weather that child be yours or not. You and your family are the ones who helped that childs personality develope... You find out that the child you have isn't yours, and as I got it they new for a little while and waited to say anything... what kind of waiting period is that! you watch your child and decide well... maybe I dont like this one so much. I think I want to try out my real one. then say something?
I also think that in a case like this its a horrible thing to do to the child.. This isn't a dog, or a cat its a human being. I think in the long run weather they remember or not its definately a big enough tragety to effect the child their whole life. Sad Sad sad situation... My heart goes out to these little boys.

Permalink Reply by dee johnson on April 2, 2009 at 8:08pm

I COULD NEVER KEEP A CHILD THAT I KNEW WAS NOT MY......IT WOULD BE HARD FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, BUT AT THE AGE OF 2 YRS, WITH SOME COUNSELING, I REALLY FEEL LIKE IN THE LONG RUN, IT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO FOR EVERYONE...I ASK MYSELF HOW I WOULD FEEL TO FIND OUT AT THE AGE OF 30 ....THAT THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED ME WAS NOT MY BIO PARENTS AND AT THE AGE OF 2 YRS. THEY FOUND THE TRUTH OUT THAT THERE WAS A MISTAKE MADE AT THE HOSPITAL, WITH ME & ANOTHER BABY BUT STILL DIDN'T WANT TO CORRECT THE MISTAKE... THAT YOUR PARENTS HAD CHOSE TO LIVE A LIE, BECAUSE OF SPENDING THE FIRST 2 YRS. OF LIFE WITH ANOTHER CHILD...IT'S WRONG !!!!! I WOULD WANT MY BIO CHILD BACK, BUT ALWAYS BE A BIG PART OF THE OTHER CHILD'S LIFE....IN THE LONG RUN IT WOULD BE THE BEST THING TO DO, AND YOU'D BE DOING WHAT WE ALL TRY TO TEACH OUR KIDS TO DO.... ( TO ALWAYS BE HONEST !!!!!! ) BECAUSE A LIE WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO BITE YOU WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT ......