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Comment by Gina Lanteigne on June 13, 2009 at 8:17pm

Hi Everyone

Comment by Eileen B on April 12, 2009 at 9:48am

1. Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months
in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
2. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.. Now he's 97 years old ... and we haven't a clue
where he is.
3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
4. The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
5. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
6. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to actually
go there.
7. Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
8. The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, "Well, he looks good, doesn't he."
9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
10. I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years, just getting over the hill was enough.
11. We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our skulls. That's my story and
I'm sticking to it.
12. Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

You could run this over to your friends, but just e-mail it to them.

Comment by We Empower U on March 26, 2009 at 1:06am

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd
get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs...AWESOME!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently, (trusting little soul), while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring
about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HECK!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
conservative.

SON-OF-A-GUN, THAT HURT LIKE HECK!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

Comment by Peggy Gorman on March 11, 2009 at 5:07pm

Always love a good laugh

Comment by Christina Montoya Fiedler on February 24, 2009 at 11:58pm

Today's the day ladies. Follow me and join the group at www.5factordiet.com/momlogic for the great Zip Up Your Jeans" challenge! By joining the group and "weighing in" on health and fitness topics each day, you'll be entered in a chance to win some great prizes! See you all there.

Comment by Christina Montoya Fiedler on February 23, 2009 at 11:34am

Hi Mamas,

Dont LOL at me but....

Starting this Wednesday I will be featured in an 8-week Momlogic fitness challenge with celebrity trainer Harley Pasternak (he’s the reason why Eva Mendez, Alicia Keys and more look so great)!

I need your support and it’s easy to help! THIS WEDNESDAY, be sure to join the new “Zip Up Your Jeans” group and you will be able to follow the diet and exercise along with me!

The best part is, just by joining the “Zip Up Your Jeans” group and “weighing in daily” you’ll have the chance to win Harley’s book “The 5 Factor Diet” (check out www.5factordiet.com for more info) and a trip to Los Angeles.

Check back on the Momlogic Community homepage for more details Wednesday!

Comment by AuthorJill on January 10, 2009 at 10:29am

Just released and written to entertain, Y.U.M! (Your Ultimate Male!): a female critique of the male physique, is a clever collection of "JUICY" details that resulted from women who weren't afraid to answer questions like "What is your favorite part of the male anatomy?" and "How do you define your ultimate male?".

Laugh out loud funny; this illustrated book contains brow-lifting statistics and explorative excerpts that serves its readers the real "dish" in a very Sex and the City fashion. A must read…be sure to grab a copy of this witty bedside table book and prepare to be entertained. Check it out at www.YUMbodies.com! Now available through thousands of online retailers.

Comment by Isabel Negrete on November 25, 2008 at 8:28am

I just read Lakisha's comment I just pissed my pants. My 20 month old looked at me like I was losing it. Thanks for the laugh that just made my day every time I fell down to day I will think of that.

Comment by LAKISHA on October 3, 2008 at 5:53am

I thought you all might like this one. This did not happen to me personally, had to add that. Got this one in an email.

For the Ladies.....this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this! I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable, threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it." Never going back to that doctor...Ever.