My son's death
It is an extremely difficult day for me,for it is the first Mother's Day without my beloved son, Roland.
My son was taken from me on February 1, 2009 (Pneumonia). It has been a sheer nightmare ever since!!! The pain is so raw, and so extensive, that I consider it ironic that we actually survive. My heart aches with every memory, and my soul is transparent, for there is nothing left for me, but empty steps. I am surrounded by the Mother's Day festvities, and wonder how this can be happening...do they not know that I am hurting!? It is the perfect time to question my faith---WHY??? This is an experience no parent should have to endure. I walked into my home, and the first thing that greeted
me, was his Christmas stocking, still hanging in the foyer---how cruel life can be! ( I had been
staying with a sister, for I did not have the courage to come home without my son there). I have
mourned the losses of my mother, father, sister, and brother. They were all heart-wrenching, and
after that, I was under the mistaken belief that I could handle anything life sent my way--how wrong I
was! My son's loss has humbled me to my knees, and driven me very close to the brink of insanity.
It challenges the tasks and functions of everyday life. The pain is so severe it cannot adequately be
described or explained. I miss my beloved son with a vengeance. I long for the warmth of his loving companionship, and ache for the sound of his happy, witty voice. He was my partner in crime, my
movie buddy, by breakfast companion, my shopping spree half...I am totally overwhelmed by the sorrow that accompanies his loss...how do I honestly continue, when my beautiful tomorrows now became my yesterdays? I miss him so desperately!!!!
me was his Christmas stocking, still hanging in the foyer---how cruel life is! I have mourned the deaths of my mother, father, a sister, and a brother
My son was taken from me on February 1, 2009 (Pneumonia). It has been a sheer nightmare ever since!!! The pain is so raw, and so extensive, that I consider it ironic that we actually survive. My heart aches with every memory, and my soul is transparent, for there is nothing left for me, but empty steps. I am surrounded by the Mother's Day festvities, and wonder how this can be happening...do they not know that I am hurting!? It is the perfect time to question my faith---WHY??? This is an experience no parent should have to endure. I walked into my home, and the first thing that greeted
me, was his Christmas stocking, still hanging in the foyer---how cruel life can be! ( I had been
staying with a sister, for I did not have the courage to come home without my son there). I have
mourned the losses of my mother, father, sister, and brother. They were all heart-wrenching, and
after that, I was under the mistaken belief that I could handle anything life sent my way--how wrong I
was! My son's loss has humbled me to my knees, and driven me very close to the brink of insanity.
It challenges the tasks and functions of everyday life. The pain is so severe it cannot adequately be
described or explained. I miss my beloved son with a vengeance. I long for the warmth of his loving companionship, and ache for the sound of his happy, witty voice. He was my partner in crime, my
movie buddy, by breakfast companion, my shopping spree half...I am totally overwhelmed by the sorrow that accompanies his loss...how do I honestly continue, when my beautiful tomorrows now became my yesterdays? I miss him so desperately!!!!
me was his Christmas stocking, still hanging in the foyer---how cruel life is! I have mourned the deaths of my mother, father, a sister, and a brother
Views: 19
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Dorothy Stahlnecker on -
Sylvia, my heart is hurting for you today and I can say I know because I lost my son Daniel 17 years ago October 4 in a car accident and I still can hardly breathe when I think of the day he passed it was many years before I was able to think at all and know what day it was so strenght to you and your family.
However I thank you for sharing how wonderful your son was and how he was your buddy and companon and how you loved to see movies together and by sharing here we know he lived and has a mother who will never ever forget him she will share more about her memories and times with the son who can never be replaced or forgotten. So I'll be looking for more about the times you lived and days you spent with your family and your son.
My heartfelt sorrow for what you'll have to endure to live without your child how well many of us know this feeling and you're not alone however you can do it snd we'll pray for your strength.
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com -
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Permalink Reply by Sylvia Ann Mayer on -
Dorothy,
Thank you! At least I know that somebody is listening, and understands the pain that dominates me. Thank you for taking some time out from your life to send a bit of love my way....God bless you! I pray that you too find the peace you deserve , and that Daniel and Roland find happiness and peace on their other plane of existance. I know you miss him as much as I miss my son ! -
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Permalink Reply by Once A Mother on -
I wish I had some answers for you... it is such a hard path. Sending you prayers for peace in your heart, and the memories of your time together to help you through.
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Permalink Reply by Trudy A. Hess on
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I lost my son Adam September 4, 2009 I share every emotion you describe here. I walk the walk with you and if you find any answers on how to keep living please let me know because it is a daily struggle for me.
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Permalink Reply by SUE WELCH on
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Hi Sylvia, your letter touched my heart, I signed up just so I could send you a note. This will be my first Mother's Day since my son died this past Labor Day 9-7-09, we did everything together we enjoyed the same tv shows, music, foods, we were not only mother and son we were friends. Honestly I don't have any answers I just wanted you to know you're not alone, without my son I feel there is no me, I'm lost, wandering aimlessly without direction or purpose, without him there is an empty space I can never fill no matter how hard I try. I'm planning on planting a tree in his memory this Sunday on Mother's Day, I'm blesses that I still have my mother and she has been by my side these past 7 months without her I hosestly don't think I would of made it, last night she gave me a beautiful gold necklace, a little boy charm with real diamonds for shorts she paid over $500.00 for this gift she was so excited to give it to me for Mothers day she couldent wait,she said "this is a symbol of the love and special relationship between you and your son " I cried when I saw it she became worried and unset she did the wrong thing or that I din't like it thats why she got nervess and told me the price, I explained to her that I loved it, I was only crying because it touched my heart,I am going to get up on Mother's day and put on my make-up and hope the mask stays in place all day for my mom because she is the BEST.Unless soneone has been through this pain as we have I don't think they can truly understand it, to have this being grow inside you and nurture him or her and watch them grow into their own, to know that if we are a good parent one day we will have a good friend then to lose this person we have nurtured they're are no words, I look at the stretch marks on my belly and the pain is so unbearable it's like my heart is being torn from my chest. God Bless Sue
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