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OK.... I have a question for all you mom of boys out there. What do you vase the consequence off of when your son gets supended? What he did to get suspended, or the plain fact that he knew better and broke a school rule?

See... to be very short and sweet.. my 13 yo got into an altercation on the weekend where another boy, in front of his mother, came at my son with a baseball bat and hit the bike my son was riding. That boys mother was watching and actually LAUGHED when her son attacked mine. Now, I was so furious I knew it'd be bad for me to go confront her so I let it go, planning to just send her the bill for the replacement parts.. So the following day at after school I spot My son and this boy fighting.. nothing major, a few slaps and my son walked away from it laughing.. so at that time I wasn't even aware of WHO the boy was. So anyway a few more days go by and I witness the mouth this other boy has on him and I'm thinkin he really does deserve his butt beat down.. So anyway one fine day this other boys mother comes up to my truck after school and starts screaming at my son! Actually telling him to get out of the truck so her son and him can fight.... I tell her she's nuts and suggesting criminal activity and believe me, I'm proud of myself for staying calm and not smacking her myself. (its apparent where this other boy gets his mouth from!!) So I drove away at that point.. well that night the boys FATHER literally hunts down our house... waiting until he spots me driving around and follows me home and goes on another rampage in my front yard!!!! He at one point steps into me like he was gonna *belly bump* me like I were another guy! Again... I stay calm (I'm still so proud of myself..I think it was seeing how out of control these other parents were that did it) and talk this guy down and actually end up making him feel ashamed for coming at me the way he did.

So here's my delima. I reported all this to the school principal because these people are crazy. Plain and simple. So now it took the principal two weeks to complete his investigation and now my son is suspended for 3 days because, to be frank, he did fight after school and thats against the rules. But.... that kid deserved it!!!! And I fully agree with the ethics.. and the other kid did swing first. So... now am I to be a good mother and give my son consequences for breaking school rules? Or do I just enjoy his company for the days he's suspended because I don't feel he should be suspended.

Just wanted to hear some other moms' feelings on it all... =)

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You know what...I dont' know what to tell you on that one. Because you could have punished him in some way for fighting when you first saw the that he's suspended...(well after the fact) that's punishment enough....from where I stand. I mean...we were raised that you punish/whoop/beat down when the incident happens..not after the fact..because you are bringing it up again..yadda yadda yaddda..

You might be the best judge on that one.


I'm glad you kept your cool, I might have lost my religion....AND you could call the police for them harrassing you like that and being disorderly and provoking juveniles to fight...okay, nuf' said.
I say he is already being approprietly punished - this happened at school, they are handeling it. Just don't reward him while hes out with the movies or a new game or anything just tret it like any other day off from school and leave it at that. Do talk to him about his actions though. There is such a thing as over punishing and it sounds like this was pretty ongoing before he finally responded back adn honestly you can only expect him to take so much before he stands up for himself so in my opinion he is punished enough.
Okay so I may be the only one in disagreement here but I feel I must state my opinion (again only my opinion). I also have a 13 year old son who just got into some trouble.

I applaud you for keeping so cool with these psycho parents but to just let the fighting go is not the answer. I understand that it is 2 weeks later and that he has been suspended from school but is that really punishment to a 13 year old boy? I don't think so, at 13 they are excited that they don't have to go to school! He needs to understand that he does have to stand up for himself but fighting isn't the way to do it, what happens next time? Will the fighting get even more intense? Have you taken anything away from him that he cherishes right now? Computer, cell/home phone etc. make him understand that what he did was wrong or he will continue to solve his problems with fighting and be suspended again. At 13 kids are trying to find their way and they have paths to choose, the right path and the wrong path. Sure they will stray off those paths once in a while but they need to learn that there are consequences to straying the wrong way. For me we have so far grounded him for 2 weeks (haven't even decided when he can go out again yet), he did lose his cell phone and computer privleges for a week (now has them back) and he had lost his I-pod. We have really taken the freedom that he had and are watching everything right now and actually he has started to spend more time talking about what he did wrong. I think he might actally be learing that if he does something wrong, there are consequenses and he doesn't like them and might think twice before making a bad choice.

With all that being said, it is still up to you on what you feel is the right punishment.

Good luck and I will continue to pray for all mom's with teenage boys.....I know my son, who really is a good boy who made a bad decision, is giving me more grey hairs each day! :-)
I just wanted to say thanks to those who responded... I agree on some level with it all. I did punish him, but on a technicality almost. LOL. See I've always told all of them that if they don't swing first then they're not in trouble for fighting. Which I stand behind. I'm not going to punish them for fighting back. Now, since the whole incident happened over the weekend I said to my son numerous times to leave it out of school, that he'll get suspended regardless of who hits who first. So, since he did go ahead an get into it with this kid, after school, but still...he broke school rules so that's what he got punished for.. Thanks again everyone!
I have had some similar issues with my youngest son (12), bullies at school picking on him. What I told him was this. You may get into trouble for defending yourself at school, but you never will at home. Now of course I have explained to him that if he is the instigator then that is another issue. Thankfully, there has been no physical altercations, but if there is then I will stand beside my son and agree with his choice in defending himself.

As anyone can plainly see, the reason that children are bullies in the first place, is that they are themselves usually victims of bullying or abuse. I try and teach my child that people who bully are to be pitied, but that doesn't mean you have to put up with their crap.
First of all, I'm not sure I understand why your son was suspended for something that did not happen at school. But anyways as for how he should be punished, if it were one of my boys I personally would not punish them. Clearly your son was provoked time after time, and was not only being bullied by this boy but by his parents as well. Many moms may not agree with me, but I have teach my boys to avoid fights as much as possible but if they are in a situation they cannot get out of I want them to defend themselves so they will not continue to be picked on and bullied.


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