Mommy, just ONE MORE STORY????
We've all heard the protests from our little ones around bedtime.
"One more story?" "I need to give Rover 10 more kisses." "I have to go to the potty" (for the 7th time). It can be so difficult at the end of a long day to stay calm and decisive about boundaries when you're too exhausted to do much else but collapse. Most parents with children who try to delay bedtime don't want to put their kids to bed with anger, but there's only so much we can handle at the end of the day and ultimately, we lose our cool. This is natural as every parent needs their downtime at night!
Kids don't want angry parents at night and surprisingly, really appreciate the containment of some good solid boundaries around a good solid bedtime routine. They'd ultimately much prefer a happy parent before falling asleep than a frustrated and overwhelmed one.
If you're having trouble getting you child to settle down nicely at bedtime, here are some really helpful ideas...
1) Decide in advance exactly what you want to include in the bedtime routine. If you're happy to do a bath, two books, one sippy cup of milk and four minutes of snuggle time before leaving the room, great. Your child needs to know exactly what you'll be willing to do and when it will be time for bed.
2) Make a very simple, personalized"stick figure" bedtime book. Once you've decided how you want to change (and limit) the current routine, you'll need to help your toddler or preschooler understand the new limits you're planning on setting around bedtime. Be VERY specific about the changes. For instance, you could tell little Jason that for a while, it hasn't been a very pleasant experience at bedtime and you love him too much to allow this to go on. So you made a new plan. After bathtime, you'll go to his room, pick two books, have one cup of milk and lay with him for exactly three minutes. Then it will be time to leave the room and we're all done talking, playing, kissing Rover, etc. Time for everyone to rest their bodies. Illustrate each page of the book with simple stick figures representing the situation. And don't worry if you aren't a good artist--I truly believe I am fine motor challenged yet I've literally made 30 books for my children on all different types of issues and they somehow figured out the ridiculous looking stick figures I drew were actually representations of themselves! :)
3) If your child comes out of his room after the end of the routine, walk him calmly back to his room (even if the first night requires 65 "walk-backs") and avoid getting into any discussion or negotiation. You can simply say "Uh oh--back to bed!" and walk right out.
Eventually, child will get the idea that you really meant what you had written in the book and will stop testing. But be sure to be VERY consistent as one little slip and you may be dealing with weeks or months of protest!
"One more story?" "I need to give Rover 10 more kisses." "I have to go to the potty" (for the 7th time). It can be so difficult at the end of a long day to stay calm and decisive about boundaries when you're too exhausted to do much else but collapse. Most parents with children who try to delay bedtime don't want to put their kids to bed with anger, but there's only so much we can handle at the end of the day and ultimately, we lose our cool. This is natural as every parent needs their downtime at night!
Kids don't want angry parents at night and surprisingly, really appreciate the containment of some good solid boundaries around a good solid bedtime routine. They'd ultimately much prefer a happy parent before falling asleep than a frustrated and overwhelmed one.
If you're having trouble getting you child to settle down nicely at bedtime, here are some really helpful ideas...
1) Decide in advance exactly what you want to include in the bedtime routine. If you're happy to do a bath, two books, one sippy cup of milk and four minutes of snuggle time before leaving the room, great. Your child needs to know exactly what you'll be willing to do and when it will be time for bed.
2) Make a very simple, personalized"stick figure" bedtime book. Once you've decided how you want to change (and limit) the current routine, you'll need to help your toddler or preschooler understand the new limits you're planning on setting around bedtime. Be VERY specific about the changes. For instance, you could tell little Jason that for a while, it hasn't been a very pleasant experience at bedtime and you love him too much to allow this to go on. So you made a new plan. After bathtime, you'll go to his room, pick two books, have one cup of milk and lay with him for exactly three minutes. Then it will be time to leave the room and we're all done talking, playing, kissing Rover, etc. Time for everyone to rest their bodies. Illustrate each page of the book with simple stick figures representing the situation. And don't worry if you aren't a good artist--I truly believe I am fine motor challenged yet I've literally made 30 books for my children on all different types of issues and they somehow figured out the ridiculous looking stick figures I drew were actually representations of themselves! :)
3) If your child comes out of his room after the end of the routine, walk him calmly back to his room (even if the first night requires 65 "walk-backs") and avoid getting into any discussion or negotiation. You can simply say "Uh oh--back to bed!" and walk right out.
Eventually, child will get the idea that you really meant what you had written in the book and will stop testing. But be sure to be VERY consistent as one little slip and you may be dealing with weeks or months of protest!
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Permalink Reply by Joy Hryniewicz on -
My 2 1/2 year old son became a big brother 7 weeks ago.Needless to say this transition has interrupted his sleep. For the most part he's been a perfect sleeper since I read Sleepeasy Solution a year ago. Simultaneously though, his imagination has exploded which led to talk of monsters at night so at first I wasn't sure if his protests were due to fear or separation anxiety or both. There have been several requests lately though - the biggest being holding his hand while he sleeps. After several days of lack of sleep, and much confusion I finally called Sleepy Planet and developed a sleep plan to get us all back on track. IT HAS WORKED WONDERS - Thank you! We've nipped all the "hold my hand", "wipe my eyes", "blow my nose" etc etc which is allowing my husband and I to sleep again (with the exception of our new baby) however, he's still asking to have his closet light on, lullaby music on, and bedroom door cracked open. I didn't include these in the "no more..." category in our stick figure sleep book along with the other requests because I felt these may be due to fears of the dark. Should I squash these requests too or are these things okay since they may be due to legitimate imagination-induced fears?
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