Suzie Says: Interview w/Margot Starbuck: Girl in the Orange Dress {{GIVEAWAY}}

I loved this book titled The Girl in the Orange Dress. I was excited to meet the author this past July. Margot Starbuck is one-of-a-kind woman of faith. Gentle, funny, dressed in orange and green and crocs, standing out with her wit and unique style. Her book can be described in the same way. It's a memoir, but also an invitation to talk about what it's like when one family loves you like crazy, and another wants nothing to do with you -- and it's not anything you've done to deserve or not deserve their love. It's an honest book, and one I hope you'll pick up.

Suzie Eller: Margot, I loved your book. It wasn't a typical Christian book, but a cross between a memoir and a girl's search for God. What motivated you to write it?

Margot Starbuck: When my agent suggested that I write a spiritual memoir it felt so right. Though my journey had been a bumpy one, I’d become convinced that God had been intimately involved along the healing way. Certain that loving the brokenhearted back to life is God’s business, I wanted readers to hear that this is what God’s about—for me and for them.

SE: You describe yourself as the girl in the orange dress. Why?

MS: For years I’d heard the story from my adoptive mom that she’d received me wearing an orange dress. The first thing she did, she explained, was to change me out of it! (She’s not an “orange” person) When I was twenty-two, I was reunited with my birthmother. The first letter she wrote me was penned on beautiful salmon-peach stationery, reading, “This is the color you were wearing the last time I saw you.” When I did the fashion math, I realized that I’d been wearing that outfit, which had been chosen for me by a social worker, on the life-changing day when I was both released and chosen, loved and loved.

SE: What is your relationship like with your biological mom today?

MS: My birthmother and I have enjoyed a great relationship for eighteen years now. In fact, this summer we spent my birthday together. Because she did not bear other children, our relationship—and hers with my children—is very special. Because I know this isn’t the case for all adopted people, or even all reunited adoptees, I feel very grateful for the gift it is.

SE: How did your parents respond to your book?

MS: That’s a great question. It was very important to me that my adoptive parents and my birthmother were on board with the book. I would never want them to feel exposed or embarrassed by my writing. All three of them read the story after the first draft and gave me their blessing. I don’t think it’s always been easy for them, but each one has been very brave and supportive. Ridiculously supportive.

SE: Tell us a little bit about where you are now.

MS: I feel like someone who’s had an emotional marrow transplant. The process of a bone marrow transplant is grueling, but when it is successful, a patient is freed up to live life. What I’d learned as a child, in my bones, was that I wasn’t worth loving. That deep bone-felt knowing has now been replaced by the truth that—because of who God is—I am worthy of love. That’s pretty huge. It has reordered all of my relationships.

SE: What would you say to a woman who struggles to know God because an earthly father let her down?

MS: I used to think that a broken relationship with a human father made it hard to trust God. I’d heard that we all project our image of a “father” onto God, and naturally assume that God is like our human fathers. While that may be true for some, what I discovered was that God’s goodness was never at stake in my case. I believed that God was Love. The problem was that my theological orthodoxy couldn’t compete with what I’d learned in my bones. Though I was entirely convinced that God loved the poor, the weak, and the marginalized, I remained unconvinced that God loved me.

I want women to hear that they are worthy of love, simply because they are God’s own. The fact that they’ve been neglected, abused, abandoned, or forsaken has no bearing on their inherent value. That’s hard for us to receive into our deepest places. The enemy twists the reality of our experience and hisses, “You’re not worth showing up for. You’re not worth protecting. You’re not worth sticking around for.” Those are all lies.

I remember looking at my newborn daughter and being so entirely aware that she was worthy of love, worthy of protection, worthy of nurture. The discrepancy between her value and how I perceived my own was stark. I’d encourage women to turn prayerfully toward the face of Jesus, or his Father, and ask Him to reflect their inestimable worth back to them. Most human faces will fail, but there is One who never fails.

SE: I love that you describe yourself as colorful. Tell us what that means.

MS: Well, I do love wearing bright colors, preferably in bold stripes and polka dots. Lime green shoes are nice, too. I’ve always loved dressing funky. There was a day, though, when that joyful façade costumed and hid a girl who was in a lot of pain. To that end, it masked the truth. These days, though, aware that I’m usually not complying to the fashions which most find acceptable, I’m comfortable resting in God’s acceptance of me. (And I secretly suspect God has to enjoy the rainbow socks!)

SE: Can you share a typical day for you?

MS: In the mornings I help my three children, ages seven, eight, and ten, get ready for school. I’m a little bummed we just started to carpool, because I love those moments in the minivan with them. We have some fabulous five-minute conversations in there. During the hours they’re at school, I have the yummy treat of working on my writing and speaking. Aware that so few have the privilege of pursuing the things they most love, it is a gift which I never take for granted. I typically get a walk in during those hours, too, preferably with a friend. Afterschool the kids and I do reading and play at home. Though I’m not a fabulous cook, like my husband is, I do put food on the table. It’s usually edible. It is a blessing it is to be living this life.

SE: How can people find out more about you and your book?

I love connecting with folks, Suzie. They can get up with me, and send me a message, at my website, www.MargotStarbuck.com. The Girl in the Orange Dress: Searching for a Father Who Does Not Fail is available on Amazon and there’s more info at InterVarsity Press.

Thanks for sharing my story—well, God’s story—with your readers.

Hey CML ladies, one lucky person will win a copy of Margot's book. It's one of my recent fav's, so leave a comment letting us know you were here and we'll select a winner next Friday!