Dena Dyer, author, shares her story: holiday depression

Do you feel like everyone except you is happy and in the Christmas spirit? This time of year can be difficult. Our to-do lists lengthen, but we don’t get extra time to finish them. Songs and gifts remind us of deceased loved ones. And family gatherings can be stressful (can you say “understatement?”).

Not surprisingly, the holidays can bring on depression, or deepen the painful emotions that nag at the edges of our consciousness: Hopelessness. Fear. Insecurity. Loneliness.

I know, because I have spent almost two decades fighting the disease (and it is a disease). Depression runs in both sides of my family, and looking back, I can remember times as a teen where I was probably depressed and not just “moody.” But my first bout of clinical depression was brought on by a series of losses, including an early miscarriage, moving, and financial worries.

On the outside, I kept everything together. After all, I was a minister’s wife. I couldn’t suffer from depression, could I? What would people say?

I was ashamed. Mostly, because I felt God had abandoned me, and I didn’t know where to turn.

By the time I finally admitted I needed help, I was sleeping much of the time. I periodically suffered from a racing heart and shortness of breath. My appetite was gone, and I had no energy. I felt despair. And I saw no way out.

Thankfully, my hubby Carey talked to a counselor in our church. She recommended a Christian counseling clinic where she used to work.

For months, for an hour once a week, I sat with a lovely woman and poured out my story. I don’t remember much of the advice she gave me, but I know she listened. She also recommended I work through the book Search for Significance.

Those weeks literally changed my life by teaching me to replace the lies I had believed (I have to be perfect, God can’t love me, I’m only significant when I’m accomplishing things) with the truth from His word (God loves me unconditionally, He’s the only perfect one, and I don’t have to do a thing to be loved by Him).

My counselor also helped me find other tools to keep the disease at bay. I now make time to take my medicine (I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism after having our first child, so I take meds for that condition, as well as depression), read and meditate on scripture, connect deeply with friends and family members, exercise, and reach out to others who are hurting. There’s nothing like seeing others who are worse off than me to put things in perspective!

I’ve had other bouts of depression since that first one, but now I know what to do. I go back to counseling, talk to my husband to let him know what’s going on, and cut back on my responsibilities. I make adjustments in my life, and usually find that I’ve been taking care of everyone else but me. Not good!

That’s why the holidays are dangerous for me. My routine gets out of whack, and I forget to pace myself.

Maybe you’re experiencing mood swings or changes in your sleep or appetite. If it lasts more than a few days, I urge you to get help. There are doctors and counselors who can give you the tools you need to climb out of your despair. Don’t suffer alone—and don’t be ashamed. Most people will experience depression at one time or another.

Depression may always lurk in the background of my life, like a wolf waiting to pounce—but I know how to fight him off now.

Thank God!

One great resource that just came out is Dr. Leslie Vernick's new book, Defeating Depression: Real Hope for ...

As a busy wife, mom, author, and speaker, Dena Dyer adores her life—but there are days when she wants her own mommy! Thankfully, she has God, her mom, and a counselor on speed dial. Dena is the proud wife of Carey and mom of Jordan and Jackson. When Dena’s not desperately trying to find her keys, she enjoys writing books such as Grace for the Race: Meditations for Busy Moms (Barbour) and The Groovy Chicks Road Trip to Love (Cook, co-compiled with Laurie Copeland) and tips for magazines like Working Mother, Family Circle and Parenting. For more information, visit www.denadyer.com.