Along with a lot of other fabulous mom bloggers I've been nominated for Mother of All Bloggers
right here on momlogic.
Once we received our nominations we were asked to write a blog post about our 'mom logic'.
I would love for you to read my post from yesterday on my personal blog ( A day in my life ... ) and let me know what you think:
Recently I have noticed ‘experts’ are trying to classify moms into a category. Is this logical?
there is the: “SLOW PARENTING”
movement. Which is all about slowing down, taking the child’s lead and not pressuring your children. Ensuring that each member of the family has time to rest, reflect, learn and explore at their pace, not at yours. There is no room for competitiveness, flash cards or making sure your child is at or above his/her peer level here.
and lets not forget the: “FREE-RANGE PARENTING”
movement. You may remember the story of the New York mother Lenore Skenazy
who left her 9 year old in Bloomingdale’s and let him find his way home on the subway and bus by himself. She armed him with a Subway map, MetroCard, $20 cash and quarters. I guess this classification is more about raising your children how your grandparents and most likely your parents were raised. Without constant fear. They walked to school, they didn’t have cell phones, they went exploring with their friends. Parents didn’t seem to be as afraid to let their children out of their sight.
which leads us to the: “HELICOPTER PARENTING”
movement. A helicopter parent is one who literally hovers over their children. Every move they make at home, at school and with friends is under their watchful eye. They can swoop in at a moments notice to fix things with teachers, fight their children’s battles and make decisions for them. Here is a must read article
on parents who literally took matters into their own hands when it concerned their children.
This bothers me for so many reasons. Why as mother’s do we have to fit into a category. To me, this isn’t logical. But nothing about parenting is logical when you think about it. We let our bellies grow to the size of watermelons, pop out a baby and call ourselves a mother. These tiny little butt naked things are handed to us and we freeze. What do we do with it? How do we bathe it, teach it right from wrong, change it’s poopy diapers multiples times a day and still be the person we were before? How do we make our still single and baby-less friends understand that we are not the same person we were before this little human being entered our world and turned it upside? How do we stop other parents from judging us and our parenting style? How do we stop ‘experts’ from making us choose sides:
* breastfeeding vs bottle feeding
* crying it out vs holding them until they fall asleep
* booking them into pre-school when they are 2 vs homeschooling
* working parents vs stay at home parents
* television vs no television
* schedules and structure vs taking things as they come
* cell phones for tweens vs no phones until they get a job
Which way is right and which is wrong? Why do they have to be right or wrong? Why do parents get so uptight about these issues and defend their side to the hilt? Is this logical? Can we not just raise our children the way we see fit, in a safe and loving home and have that be acceptable? Should we judge other’s on their parenting style? I am sure I have friends who could fit into these categories, but I would certainly never place them there. To me, they are doing what works for them and their family. Each child is different. Each parent is different. I would hope that ultimately we all strive for the same thing. Happy, well adjusted, responsible adults who know that their parents love them and have raised them to the best of their ability. Who will help others and think that giving is better than receiving and who respect others and their opinions.
Of course though this isn’t always the case and we’ve all heard horrid stories in the media of parents who should never be allowed to raise children. Ever. But thankfully we also know that there are wonderful parents out there who are willing to take these beautiful children into their homes and their hearts and raise them.
I don’t believe that as a parent to 3 children I have ever fitted into any of these categories. I have and am raising my children in a way that if they fall over, they can pick themselves up again. If they fail, then they should try again. If they have a problem then they should try to work it out. Of course I will always be there to help, but they need to learn to be strong individuals.
You see, I am they type of parent who looks into the future. I wonder what will happen to my children if something were to happen to me. Would they be able to do their own laundry, make it on their own if they go off to college, and be a responsible hard working person who doesn’t expect everything be handed to them on a silver platter.
My teenager has a cell phone, but he can go up to a mile away from the house on his own or with friends, go to camp, travel on a plane by himself and have sleepovers with his friends. He homeschools, but NOT because I want him attached to my hip, but because that is what works for us right now. He knows how to cook a meal, put on a load of laundry and find his way home. We have an open relationship when it comes to discussing taboo subjects such as sex and drugs. I wouldn’t want him learning these things from the neighborhood ‘know-it-all’, who really doesn’t know anything at all. He knows that if he comes to me with a question he will get an honest answer. This is not to say that he doesn’t get on my very last nerve sometimes and do things that make my eyes roll. He is a teenager after all. If he didn’t make mistakes he wouldn’t be human. All I can do is teach him to learn from those mistakes.
I do not expect my children to be better than other children, be at the top of their class or out-do every other child at a sports event. I also won’t be that parent on the sidelines telling their child that they are overweight, to knock over their opponent or cheat and lie to get what they want. What I do expect is that they try their hardest and find what they are passionate about and not live my dream for me.
What I have learned as a parent:
* only read baby books that are humorous (Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay is a must-read if you are expecting or have a baby)
* thank people for their advice and move on, even if it is unwanted and you won’t be using it
* don’t parent according to other people’s rules. Parent in a way that at the end of the day when you tuck your children into bed you can smile and say ‘I was a great parent today, my children are happy and know they are loved’.
* follow your instincts.
* let your children jump in puddles and play in the dirt. Wet clothes can be dried. Dirt can be washed away.
* you only live once so live your life to the fullest
* do something for yourself every day
* hug, kiss and tell your children every day that you love them
No parent is perfect, all we can do is be the best parent we can.
That is a little mom logic advice, from me to you.
So tell me, do you fit into one of these categories?