Please Don't Glare at Me, I'm Trying!!

Today I woke up and was inspired to spend this rainy Monday morning with my little ones reading them books while I drank a hot Starbucks at Barnes & Noble. I envisioned it in my mind, and I was looking forward to having "my moment" with the boys.

At first, we shared a moment of peace and complete bliss as we sat there reading and looking at books. I was so happy, I love times like this with my babies.

We were surrounded by a few nannies, with their assigned child, and two mothers with their child, one with what seemed a 5 year old daughter, another with a child who couldn't walk yet, both their only kids. How do I know this, you ask? Because it was those two moms, especially the one with the crawler, who when my two boys started acting up, gave me "the glare".

Have you ever gotten "the glare"? Well, the one I got said, "Great! Here I am wanting to have a moment with my child and her annoying kids are ruining it for me!" And while these women were looking at me, annoyed and angry, judging me and my children and wishing that I would just leave, they failed to realize that "my moment" was also being ruined and how that made me feel.

Now, my boys are 2 and 3.5. They are rambunctious. They fight and argue, often for my attention and sometimes for whatever else the other one has. Though I have an 11 year old, I am new to the experience of having two little ones so close in age, and I am figuring it out as I go along what are the best way to discipline them as well as defuse heated moments and emotional outbursts, especially when we are in public places.

I am not blind, nor am I deaf, to how incredibly annoying a child's loud crying can be in an enclosed space. I am also fully aware of how "interesting" it must be to watch a parent struggle with their child as this said child throws themselves in the middle of the sidewalk refusing to walk, or insisting on battling with the parent as he/she tries to pull them to where ever they may be going.

Maybe the staring is because the sight of such outbursts is new to you, or maybe it is that you're trying to figure out if the parent is hurting the child, as it seems he/she is in pure agony...or maybe you just want to witness it when the parent cracks in defeat. Maybe it's fun to see another adult be humiliated by a child, especially their own, or maybe it helps to stare and judge them as a parent, because then it makes you feel like a better parent yourself.

Believe me when I say, this struggle for control, this momentary display of my child's evil self is A LOT worse for me than it is for anyone annoyed by it or in awe of it. To experience these outbursts anywhere, any time, but especially in public, whether it be in a restaurant or in a park, is incredibly stressful and frustrating for me, as I imagine it would be for any parent. But to be going through it, while at the same time having to deal with the judgement of others, the nasty stares, and outright hostility and lack of compassion and sympathy by other moms or dads, makes those moments so, so much worse.

I found myself saying, "Sorry!" "So sorry!" "I'm sorry" more than a mother should ever have to apologize for her toddler. And while I dealt with my chaos, telling my boys that we were leaving, which made them even more upset because they were, despite it all, loving their time there, the mothers kept giving me the evil eye, with the younger mom, rolling her eyes at me and the other shaking her head.

I walked away with my kids and was able to distract them with another book that calmed them both down again, and allowed for a few more moments of peace and quiet.

But by then I was angry. I was angry that these women would be so obvious is their frustration with us being there. I was upset because I realized at that moment how many times there have been when I have been so sensitive to other moms' moments with their child, that I have forsaken my own with my kids. And this is why, despite all the glares, and the huffs, and the comments underneath their breaths, we didn't leave. Because I am trying, every moment of every second that I am awake with my children, I am trying. I am trying, like you, to raise my children the best way I know how. They may be louder, more active, and yes, at times, just outright obnoxious and annoying. But they are also sweet, and smart, and can be gentle and sensitive. And they are mine. So just like you like "those moments' with your kids, so do I with mine, and we deserve them no less, even if it takes me a little longer to get them to that place of tranquility.

So when you see me struggling with my kids in the street, the restaurant, the park, the bookstore, the museum, where ever it may be, please don't glare at me, because it may not look it, but I am trying.

NYCity Mama blogs about her days, most of them pretty awesome, with her boys at The Adventures of an NYC Mama.