Stupid About Men: Strategies for choosing the right man for the right reason

It's no secret. Women can choose the wrong men in their lives but never understand why. The cycle continues until they come to their senses, learn from their mistakes, or come to grips with their past.

"Smart girls learn from their mistakes," says author and therapist, Deborah Dunn. "The violent nature of our society has escalated, as has the addiction to sex, drama, and the worship of romantic love." Dunn is the author of a new book, Stupid About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right.

Dunn says that some women want to know how to have the power to make a man want them, because it's the only power they feel they have. But relationship mistakes don't just include sex and sexuality; they include choosing abusive men, weak men, dangerous men, or men we hope to change.

"Forget it," says Dunn. "It won't happen. Marriage only makes men more of what they already are. You don't marry potential. You marry the man."

In Stupid About Men, Dunn says happiness is not about getting a man; it is about finding your soul. And many women lose themselves in the process of trying to find a man. "It is when we aren't sleeping -- when we are content with our lives, our work and ourselves -- that we attract men who want to share real life with us," explains Dunn.

The rules for getting romance right are learning to choose a good man, not a financial plan; deciding to be happy no; learning to be smart rather than sexy; caring for yourself; not trying to be perfect; telling the truth; steering clear of bad boys; and finding your own soul first.