This broke my heart to write but it has to be done...

I may not be the best mom out there but at least I try...
It's sad that I look at my now 10 month old and know that in 4 years she will not have been through the hell that my 4 year old "step"daughter has. And hopefully she will never go through it in any point of her life. I'm not saying that I am an amazing mom but at least I try and take pride in being a mother. With this my daughter already has a better chance, won't have to listen to drama and refer to people by very adult terms at the age of 2 which then when I first came into the picture my SD did. A 2 year old should never refer to anyone as Bitch. its the wrong message to send nor should a 2.5 year old be talked out of going to school because "Mommy will miss you and will have nothing to do while you are gone."

While everyone around her knows she does nothing even while she is there. She is hardly ever bathed properly, her clothes are either too tight, or too small or inappropriate for the season and generally reaking that awful smoky misty smell.

The same was true this past Sunday. We got her at 815 and although she had supposively eaten and had a bath that morning she reaked of smoke, her fingernails were FILLED with dirt and as soon as we got into the car she was hungry. On top of that she was dressed for a 90 degree day even though it was 65 degrees and windy. She had on a what looked like a pajama tank top and wind pants with a matching jacket. Both weren't lined and were so light. The rest of us had on hoodies and warm clothes. She must have looked so out of place and I was almost embarrassed that she was dressed that way and we didn't follow our instincts and bring her a change of clothes which we generally do anyways. Her shoes were also at least a half size too big and as a result her feet were killing her!

And in my opinion a 4 year old should not be wearing High School Musical shoes. Me and my hubby are keeping everything very G for our youngest and she will not be exposed to as much tv as her sister has been because as you may have read she can barely survive a day without it.

Back to the story about Sunday. We had had a wonderful morning and the kids were having a blast at the Expo so we decided to take a break and have a much needed lunch at the Pru. We had pizza and I got a chowder and salad. We thought it would be a good time to change the baby and get her fed as well. We did all this and started to head back to the Expo when all of a sudden Selena's attitude changed. I have never seen a child act how she did. At one point she refused to get off the door of Lord and Taylors outside in a small part off of Boylston so I lifted her up and attempted to stand her up and for us to keep moving. Instead as I lifted her and tried to put her on her feet she flung herself to the ground right in front of Dakota's carriage and started wailing and crying like I had flung her. At this point I was not only shaken but annoyed, fed up and disgusted. J called Selena's "mom" told her how she had suddenly changed and that we couldn't justify staying anymore. She said fine bring her home but she had to finish whatever she was doing on MYSPACE first then pay her CABLE bill. She literally showed no concern for anything and was more pissed that she had to now change her afternoon plans. An hour later we got her home and although her mom looked pissed at the entire situation she was more or less mumbling about how her plans were changed and now she didn't know when she'd be able to pay the cable bill.

She said she would punish but I would bet my life she didn't and she probably had a nice relaxing day at home after we left.

The rest of the afternoon after we spent some time at the mall and got home was great. It's just hard not to remember the dark part of the day and I do fear that this will continue. Hopefully after J speaks with her doctors things will begin to get better or I fear the kind of childhood she will have especially through school. She shouldn't have to endure bullying and being laughed at because her primary caretaker leaves her unbathed and dirty.

originally posted at http://highlyopionatedmomof2.blogspot.com