Vuv Rules Of Engagement--Part 2
If you are tuning in today without having read Friday's post on http://www.thevuvclub.com/, "Vuv Rules Of Engagement--Part 1," I need to send you packing....click through and read, because in keeping with the idea that rules are rules, ya gotta read Part 1 before you read Part 2, walk before you run and remember not to spit in the wind.
Now the recap of Part 1 for my friends with short term memory problems....Part 1 introduced my belief that friendship has rules. They are generally unwritten, unspoken and unclear....and that makes me unhappy. Hence, my version of friendship rules, Vuv Rules of Engagement.
Rule 1 (shared in Part 1): Start With People You Like.
As you make new friends, keep this rule in mind and as you evolve and feel as if certain friends are not evolving with you look at them....look at yourself and evaluate whether this person is someone you really like....because really liking them (their heart, their core, their values) is an essential element in your ability to follow Rule 2.
Rule 2: Give A Vuv The Benefit Of The Doubt.
We women tend to be a little emotional, slightly reactionary. This rule takes that into account. This rule requires that when something has occurred that hurts your feelings, that makes you feel slighted or seems thoughtless and the something seems to have been caused by one of your Vuvs, before you get emotional or react in a way that could be potentially "friendship-threatening," take a breath and say, "This friend is someone I think I really know, someone I think I really like, someone I do not believe would intentionally cause me to feel the way I am currently feeling....and if I was to give her the benefit of the doubt...."
Benefit of the doubt defined, by example: I don't know if you stole the money, maybe you did and maybe you didn't. Because there is doubt, I'll assume that you didn't. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. In other words, you benefit from the fact that there is doubt and grant a favorable judgment in the absence of full evidence.
The benefit of the doubt may help you find other explanations for what happened or open you up to a different point of you or at the very least change the tone of the confrontation that you are about to enter into with the Vuv you think has done you wrong.
The benefit of the doubt can also help you to defend your friend's bevavior when a frenemy knows of the behavior in question and tries to rile you up about it.
Frenemy: "I thought you said Jane was such a good friend. How come you weren't invited to her dinner party?"
You: (frenemy has you going...but you say), "Jane and I are not attached at the hip, we do things separately and with different friends often."
The benefit of the doubt will allow you to in good faith defend Jane until you learn all the facts and will (in addition to fending off the divisive frenemy) prevent you from calling Jane and screaming, "WTF! Why am I hearing about a dinner party from Public Frenemy Number 1 and why the hell wasn't I there?"...which by the way is not generally a good way to start a conversation.
"I'm just sayin'......."
If you really like a Vuv enough to give them the BOTD.....then when you hit a wave on the sea of friendship...you will increase the odds that there will be smooth sailing ahead.
Stay tuned for more rules, and........
Want to tell us what happens when The Vuv Rules of Engagement are broken? Share a friendship dispute with "The Friendship Court" on MomLogic.com, where this Vuv presides as judge. www.momlogic.com/2008/12/the_friendship_court.php