When your child's life is changed forever (GIVEAWAY)

I actually was introduced to Jacob before I met his mom. His best friend, Natalie Dowd, shared her story of losing and gaining a friend through his near-drowning accident. Natalie's story titled "My Best Friend" was published in my book, Real Teens, Real Stories, Real Life.

I later met Jeanne and her faith, resiliency and depth inspired me. It's my pleasure to be able to talk with Jeanne about her poignant new book, Parting the Waters.

Suzie Eller: Can we begin by sharing what happened to Jacob?

Jeanne Damoff: On May 23, 1996, at the end of Jacob’s ninth grade year, he attended an end-of-the-school-year canoeing party at Caddo Lake. The group stopped for lunch, and some of the kids waded on the boat ramp. A dozen or so students and maybe six chaperones were present, but none of them saw when Jacob and another young man went under. When it was time to reload the canoes, the group thought the boys were playing a prank. They called their names, checked the restrooms. Then Philip Jones, rector at the time and a parent and chaperone on the trip, had a sudden impulse to dive into the water and search the bottom of the lake. At an area about 14 feet deep he felt a body and came up with Jacob. By rough estimates, Jacob was underwater at least 10 minutes, and it took another 20 minutes of CPR before he responded. He was breathing, but in a coma. If he survived, doctors predicted he would remain vegetative for the rest of his life. This was the beginning of our journey from brokenness to beauty.

SE: A lot has happened in that time. Can you tell us where the members of your family are now and what are they doing?

JD: Jacob is now a 27-year-old, precious young man who lives with brain injury, but enjoys a full life. He can walk, talk, and read. He laughs with abandon and worships God with all his heart. He lives with his aide, Rusty Mauldin, during the week, and they spend much of their time working with Rusty’s cattle or in the garden. Jacob lives with my husband and me on the weekends. Our daughter, Grace, is 25 and married to Curtis Romjue. They live in Seattle where they perform with Jubilee, a non-profit band that supports the International Justice Mission. Our younger son, Luke, is attending seminary at Regent College in Vancouver, BC.

SE: Can you share why you wrote this book, and for who?

JD: I wrote the book for anyone who is struggling to understand why a loving God would choose to allow intense suffering in their life or the lives of those they love. God met me in a season of extreme brokenness, and I wanted to provide an honest account of the journey, placing the reality of human suffering beside the sovereignty of God and diminishing neither.

SE: There was another young man involved in this accident. Did you struggle to forgive him?

JD: I did. After the accident, Jeremy’s family revealed that he couldn’t swim. Jacob was a strong swimmer. The logical explanation was that Jeremy struggled and either Jacob tried to help him or, in his panic, Jeremy grabbed Jacob and they both went under. I blamed Jeremy for what Jacob had lost. The fact that Jeremy died that day at the lake only complicated my feelings. I blamed him for what his family had lost, too. And then I felt guilty for harboring anger toward a dead boy.

SE: How did you work through that?

JD: For a long time I prayed to be able to forgive Jeremy, but the anger and blame remained. Then one night a couple of months after the accident, my daughter revealed something she’d been bottling inside. She felt like Jacob’s injury was her fault, because some of the boys in her class had wanted to invite him to their class party, and the teacher had given Grace the option. She’d decided not to invite him, and now she felt that if she hadn’t made that choice, Jacob might have been with her class and not at the lake. I told Grace that God could have prevented the accident in a million ways— the boys could have called for help, or someone could have looked up at the right moment, or Jacob could have been sick that day, etc. I assured her that God didn’t give her that kind of power—that He was in control and had allowed this in Jacob’s life for His reasons. As I shared these truths with her, I realized I was also speaking to my anger toward Jeremy. Forgiveness didn’t follow instantly, but the walls preventing it came down that night.

SE: How did your church or community help?

JD: Wow. Most of the story answers that question. From the beginning, individuals, businesses, churches, and organizations reached out to us in unbelievable ways. And they never stopped. After two months in a coma treatment program at Baylor Institute of Rehabilitation in Dallas, Jacob was moved to a nursing facility a block from our house. We recruited volunteers from the local university, churches, youth groups—anywhere—to come sit with him in shifts. People read to him, massaged his hands and feet, sang, told stories, whatever they wanted to do. He was still in a shallow coma, and the more stimulation he received the better. This army of volunteers witnessed some of the most dramatic milestones in Jacob’s recovery.

SE: Can you share what does help, or what might not be helpful, when a family is going through a crisis?

JD: I definitely encourage people in crisis to ask for the help and support they need. Don’t expect people to know what to do. We weren’t shy about making our requests known to the community, and they joyfully responded. People also came forward and offered to help in specific ways, and we gratefully accepted it. No act of kindness was too small. Some cooked meals during those first two weeks while we were in the local ICU; women cleaned my house; men took care of our yard. My sister took our younger children to her home so George and I could focus on Jacob. Youth groups organized yellow ribbon campaigns to remind people to pray. Prayer is so important! And written messages of love and support. As for people who want to help but don’t know how, the best thing to do is ask. I honestly can’t recall anyone doing anything that wasn’t helpful. Thankfully no one came to us and told us this was a result of sin in our lives or, if we’d had enough faith, it wouldn’t have happened. I may be petite, but I think I would have decked them right there.

JD: Several years after the accident, I began to sense the Lord nudging me to write our story. I resisted His gentle prodding for a few more years, but then God essentially removed all my excuses and I knew I had to write it. Even during the first days after the accident, I felt like God was doing something beautiful and He wanted me to see it. As I watched Him draw so many people into the process of Jacob’s slow awakening, and then saw how He worked in their lives as a result, I realized there’s so much more going on in God’s purposes than we can imagine. He gave me the image of a pebble dropping in water and setting ripples in motion. I could either obsess over my lost pebble, or watch what He was accomplishing in the ripples. Parting the Waters is the story of the beauty God allowed me to see in the ripples.

SE: How can readers keep up with Jacob's story?

JD: I often write stories about Jacob on my blog, which is accessible through my website: jeannedamoff.com. I also have a Parting the Waters photo gallery on my publications page and a photo blog where recent photography is posted.

SE: Thank you for letting us glimpse inside the joys and pain you've went through. How can readers find this book?

JD: Parting the Waters is available online from the publisher at WinePressBooks.com or by calling 877-421-7323. It’s also available at other major online outlets like amazon.com. Signed copies are available at SignedByTheAuthor.com.

SE: Jeanne has graciously offered to giveaway one signed copy of the book to a lucky commentor. Please leave a comment and I'll draw one name for the book on Monday. If you know of someone whose life has been changed due to an accident or difficult situation, this just might be the perfect gift. It's a good book from the heart of an honest mom and woman of faith.